Women Notice the Strangest Things

Ever your practical advisors, we at DailyXY have asked an actual woman (yes, we know plenty) to give us the honest truth about what they see when they see you. Herewith a list of first impressions, good and bad. Be warned: this is the stuff they’ll never tell you.

When we’re scoping guys in a bar (yes, we do that) and deciding which ones to give a chance, it’s the little things we see that matter:

1. Lid: Highlights and sculpted geometric cuts that employ copious amounts of “product” will be sure to get you added to “not in this lifetime” list. We got over B4-4 years ago and don’t want a guy that spends more time in the salon than we do.

2. Kicks: You don’t have to wear overpriced designer shoes, but shoes do make the outfit you’re wearing. Look at it this way: a nicely dressed guy with bad shoes is as appealing to us as a Porsche with bad rims would be to you. And, if you dare wear sandals, be sure those horny toes are well-taken care of.

3. Clip-ons: Anything that clips to your belt gets you a “negatory.” That includes Blackberries, cell phones, Palm Pilots or anything else that beeps, rings, or lights up. And the “but-I’m-a-physician- with-Doctors-Without-Borders-waiting-for-a-page-to-dispatch-me-to-the-Bolivian-jungle” excuse just won’t hold up. (Unless it’s true.)

4. Ogling: If you can order a drink from the scantily clad bartender without gawking at her cleavage, you’ve just scored big points. Which brings us to

5. Politesse: Remember the stuff your mom taught ya? Well, we do too, and we think it says a lot about you. If you wait your turn to reach the bar, and then when you order a drink, you use simple terms like please and thank you, bonus. Deliver them with a smile and we may want to meet you.

6. Grill: Yes, your teeth. They should look like a train gently curving around a mountain — not a derailment. (Sorry if this is cruel, but if they don’t perhaps it’s time to dial-a-dentist.) Speaking of mountains, your breath should be as sweet as the air in their valleys.

7. Outfit: If you think of your shirt, pants, belt and shoes as separate entities, each with their own merit, there’s going to be a disconnect we’re sure to notice. Like the instruments in a symphony, they should be working together to make your look stylish and effortless.

8. Sauce and sticks: No, not a recipe for your BBQ. Pounding back the shots, which you needed to get the courage to lay us in university, is now a great way to discourage us from talking to you. Yuck. And lose the cigarettes there’s little that is more disappointing than seeing an attractive guy purse his lips around a dart. (And we’ve heard the “I-only-smoke when-I-drink” excuse way too many times to believe it.)

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