The myth that chicks are the gentler sex has pretty much been debunked – if not by various waves of 20th century feminism, then certainly by recent TV shows that feature women prating, dating and copulating as gracelessly as men.
One area, though, remains unjustly taboo. Pop culture is rife with references to male flatulence, yet female gas rarely makes an appearance. Maybe it’s because (at least, in my experience) women’s farts tend to be quieter than men’s. But, rest assured: Though our bums may not speak as loudly as yours, they have just as much to say.
Here’s why you should let ‘er rip when we’re together:
I love sharing secrets with you.
It solidifies us as a couple, a unit. It’s an opportunity for you to choose me – as sole listener to your glorious orchestra of emissions.
It helps me let my guard down.
I’m dying to get messy with you. I fart all the time, and I would fart more if I weren’t so afraid of judgment. When you fart in front of me, I feel that I can fart in front of you and unveil, as it were, a more genuine version of myself.
It promotes healthy competition.
Attempting to trump one another is spicy business all over the house, especially in the bedroom. Remember, contests mean prizes.
I know: The women of your life are forever reaming you out for boorishness. But when it comes to cutting the cheese, a little incivility can go a long way.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
No.
No.
(The illustration is cute thou.)
That’s ridiculous.