Booty Call Etiquette

Not a one-night stand, a fling or a relationship, the booty call can be a convenient way to get some regular action without all the muss and fuss of picking up strangers in bars. But this kind of “no-strings” casual sex can also be like a warm glass of milk -comforting, yet, left out too long unattended, it can sour. To avoid buggering up your booty-call set up, some booty-call basics:

Rule No. 1: “No strings” doesn’t mean, “no-strings until I decide I want more out of it.” Start thinking like that and you mess up the whole system.

Rule No. 2: If you’re out flirting with another woman, and your booty-call happens to show up, have a hand signal or code word that lets her know you’re closed for business tonight.

Rule No. 3: No guarantees. You can’t feel rejected if you run into your booty call and she a) doesn’t want to go home with you or b) wants to go home with someone else.

Rule No. 4: It’s to be expected in a purely sex-driven relationship that it’s when you’re all liquored up that you decide you’d like to get some. But calling drunk at three a.m. on a regular basis is rude and abuses your booty-call privileges. If you must, at least text.

Rule No. 5: No sulking or temper tantrums when she gets a real date.

Rule No. 6: No cuddling.

Rule No. 7: If you get a parking ticket while on a booty-call, the person who initiated the booty call should pay.

Considering all the rules, why bother? Because it gets bloody tiresome trying to find the kind of relationship you know you deserve. And sometimes, you just need something familiar to get you through the night.