It’s been one month since we last discussed this matter and she still wants kids. And you still don’t. Time for some more tips on how to handle the baby talk, and figure out if there’s a future here.
Don’t Try to Change Her Mind
She forced you to forgo fantasy football, so you can convince her to call off child rearing, right? Wrong. Never mess with a woman’s maternal instincts. For many women, having a baby is a right (and rite) of passion — a major life milestone and the most important thing she will ever do. You can’t take that away from her. Some things are just not up for negotiation. If think you’ve convinced her that a life of adult dinner parties and sophisticated travel beats baby showers and Disneyland, your success will surely be short-lived. If she stays with you long enough to pass the point of being able to conceive, she may resent you, and you can be sure the baby card will be played in arguments. “I had to give up being a mother for you, and you can’t even put down the toilet seat?”
Don’t Make False Promises
You don’t want to have kids now, but maybe you will in a few years? Don’t make promises that you’ll “start trying” when you have a better job, own a house, or whatever your excuse may be just to buy yourself some time. She’ll mark your due date on the calendar, and it’ll hang over your head like one of those annoying musical crib mobiles.
Don’t Trust Her
You have the conversation. She accepts that you don’t want kids. But then the unimaginable happens: she’s pregnant. How did this happen? She told you she was on birth control. You had her cycle marked on the calendar. Did she pull the baby blanket over your eyes? The story about the mama who “tricked” her baby daddy is not just an old wives’ tale. This is a bad situation for everyone, especially the baby who is being born into a family of broken trust. Play it safe and protect yourself. Getting pregnant without trust can happen, and it’s a terrible foundation for that potential child’s life.
Be True to Yourself
A two-year-old girl is whining at a barbecue and her dad — who just wants to enjoy a beer with his buds — tells his wife that she wanted a baby, so she can take care of Little Miss Cranky. This situation also occurs, and it’s not one in which you want to be. Sure, you love your lady and relationships are give and take, but agreeing to have a child you don’t want to raise is a bad idea, especially if you think your lady will do all the dirty work. She doesn’t want to resent you and you don’t want to resent her.
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A veteran of the third scenario, I am a HUGE proponent of sterilizing ourselves to protect us from “oopsie” pregnancies. I would be even MORE in favour of laws protecting men in those cases. NEVER force a man to become a father against his will. Abortions will spike and then flatten and almost every baby born after that will be wanted. Problem solved. Except that feminists will never go for it when they can blame/threaten./sue the nearest male so they don’t have to pay for their choices.
In ANY other similar situation, that is regarded as fraud. To feminists and their followers, it is just the way life is. It must stop or the resentment of men towards women will become untenable.
The answer to this is very basic; In a couple, BOTH members of the couple MUST willingly agree to such a major life change as having a child, or moving across country, etc. If SHE wants a kid, and SHE PICKED A GUY who doesn’t, too bad for her ‘maternal instincts’; Let her buy a Barbie to play with.
this has to be one of the saddest posts i’ve ever read…how many of us were “oopsies”? do have any idea? how many guys end up loving their unplanned bambini, because–HEY!!–that’s a big part of the reason we’re here on the planet. i know this site isn’t meant for people like me (XXs), and i can’t even remember how i ended up here (i blame twitter, but then again, i blame twitter for everything!), but why don’t you ask for guys who were “oopsied” and are now in love with their wives/gfs & the kid to weigh in. maybe they don’t have the time to hang around on sites like this, doling out advice to other commitophobes.
sheesh.