Tragedy Strikes Tanker Truck Full of “Scotch”

The world of Scotch faced another disaster this week, albeit one more strange than the Chivas debacle.

The town of Woodbridge, New Jersey, was the scene of tragedy on Tuesday, as a tanker truck full of “Scotch” tipped over and caught fire after colliding with a parked Cadillac at an intersection known for accidents. The driver was treated for minor injuries, but untold litres of Scotch were lost.

However, questions remain. Why was this so-called “Scotch” being transported by tanker? What brand was it? Why wasn’t such a precious cargo given a police escort? Why was a hazmat team called?

The prevailing theory around the DailyXY office is this: no one in their right mind would sell Scotch to New Jersey, so this was merely the flavoured swill to which the people of the state are accustomed, thus there was no need for bottles, care, or a full funeral service.

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