Did you know that Christian Grey is 28? Not only can the guy fly a plane and make a girl come in under three seconds, he owns a multimillion company that does some important things offshore or something. Christian Grey, as you already know, is the hero of 50 Shades of Crap. His age and his CV are as believable as the book is a literary masterpiece. I always thought the dude was in his 40s at least – I mean, no woman would ever expect a 28-year-old to be even near the top of his game (although there are exceptions, of course). And speaking of expectations, we do have some (shocker) that are connected to your age. It’s only fair – after all you’ve been always grouping us in age brackets (example: I am now of biological-clock-ticking age). But back to you:
20-25
We have almost zero expectations. Vote. Do your own taxes. Roommates are cool. Even living with your ma and pa. It’s rad if you can draw or DJ or if you spend your whole day in a lab – whatever you do, it’s just nice that you don’t do nothing (nothing is defined as lying on a couch smoking up all day). You have a goofy suit from a vintage store. You like sex a lot. You’re also the lead singer of a band.
25-30
Roommates are cool but we could maybe live together now. Try to have some sort of school finished and maybe even your first job. Maybe even your first grownup job. Maybe go back to grad school. You buy your first suit. You like sex a lot and you can make us come. You’re still the lead singer and that’s okay.
30-35
You have a grownup job now or are trying hard to get one. Or you’re in a grad school still but you’re almost done (unless you’re a PhD). Maybe you even have your own business and own your first summer suit. You like sex a lot and you can make us come in many different ways. You’re the lead singer on the weekend (unless you’re really a lead singer and you are on a tour).
35+
Business taking off? First promotion? Dare we say, first home? This is when you’re really become a grownup and earn yourself a right to learn about Scotch and wines and make your woman come every time. If you’re still the lead singer, you have a record deal.
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Image courtesy of Aih.
