Guys, we, too, get confused about things you say. This is why most of us have a specialized team of experts that we use to translate a lot of things that you say (or email or text). This team can be very small — one expert only — or quite large — an analysis unit with up to six, eight experts. These experts are usually known to you as “her girl friends” but for the purpose of this article I’ll refer to them as ET (expert team, of course). Here’s how what you say gets analyzed based on five examples.
You say, “I’m not sure I want to move in together yet.”
ET interprets, “His hesitating just means he really wants it to work out and is terrified of screwing things up. But deep down he really wants to live with you. Go for it!”
You mean, “I’m not sure I want to move in together yet.”
You say, “I think we could move in together.”
ET interprets, “Oh my God, he’s probably going to ask you to marry him now! Are you ready for that commitment? This is kind of like a prelude to marriage, everyone knows that. Waiter, another round please! Oh my God, I’m so excited for you!”
You mean, “I think we could move in together.”
You say, “I don’t know.”
ET interprets, “He’s probably just afraid to be vulnerable with you. Inside he’s a little boy who’s scared of his true feelings.”
You mean, “I don’t know.”
You say, “Don’t cut your hair short.”
ET interprets, “He’s a controlling freak who’s got outdated ideas of woman’s ownership of her body. Cut your hair. I love your hair short. You’ll look great. Like an elf. You’ve got such a good elf face.”
You mean, “Don’t cut your hair short.”
You say, “I want to have a threesome.”
ET interprets, “He’s insecure. Why does he need to get validated by another woman? He’s got the best thing at home and that’s not enough for him?! I’d be outta there if I were you.”
You mean, “I just really, really, really want to have a threesome!”
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Image courtesy of brewbooks.
