5 Ways to Please Her In Bed

Were you ever so telepathically connected to a woman while having sex with her that everything you did brought her to a state of pure bliss every single time?

I didn’t think so.

Sex doesn’t really work that way. Sure, we all have our go-to moves that have never gotten any complaints before (at least, not to our faces) and which make us feel like we totally got this (the “this”, meaning the orgasm), but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we do. And to make matters worse for you fellas (as if our equipment wasn’t finicky enough for you), some women, either due to insecurity or fear, won’t communicate to you what she truly desires from you to get off.

Now, I know you want to be the best sex she’s ever had. The kind of sex that, if you break up with her, and she’s married to someone else with a bunch of kids, you’re still the one she wet dreams about. So that’s why I enlisted Ohh Canada’s Katrina McKay to provide you with these five signature moves that will leave her coming back for more (and, you bet your ass that’s a double entendre).

Talk her into it . . . No, not like that

Communication is one of the most important, and fairly easy, ways to get your woman all hot and bothered. “If you want to get her in the mood, start by teasing and tantalizing her big, sexy . . . brain,” says McKay. “Send her a sexy text message hours before you’ll see each other. Compliment her on her hot body or her bedroom eyes, and tell her you can’t wait until the two of you are alone. Tell her what you want to do to please her. She’ll be thinking about you all day and counting down the minutes until you’re together.” And then don’t be surprised when she walks through the door and immediately pounces on you before she takes off her heels.

Stylish Smut

Thanks to the massive success of Fifty Shades of Grey, we now all know—finally!—that women are down, and getting down, to erotica. So why not partake in some leisurely reading? “Check out a pornographic, but beautifully illustrated erotic comic like Lost Girls by Alan Moore,” suggests McKay. “Page through it together in bed—laugh a little, cuddle, touch . . . and allow yourselves to get aroused. The rest will come naturally.” Okay, so the “leisure” part won’t last for very long. That’s a good thing.

Lube It Up

Lube is one of those things that a lot of couples say they’re going to use, but don’t end up using for whatever reason. And because of that, women often get the, er, dry end of the stick. “As a guy, you know that lube or lotion during a hand job makes all the difference. So return the favour,” says McKay. “Use a little lube on your fingers and your lips before kissing her . . . uh, lower lips. Often using a bit of high quality lube will help to get her natural juices flowing. And how sexy is that? Very.”

Try A Different Kind of Massage

Giving your partner a massage is probably already part of your repertoire, but there’s a different kind of massage in which the giver enjoys just as much as the receiver—the Nuru massage. “In “nuru,” an ancient form of body-to-body erotic massage from Japan, you use your whole body against her whole body using a super slippery gel,” McKay says. “In fact, the word “nuru” loosely translates as “slippery.” While you can use any massage oil, nuru is way more effective if you use Nuru Gel which is designed for the purpose, along with a Nuru Sheet so that you can slide around easily. I promise this will get both of your hearts pumping—it’s sensual, naughty and novel all at the same time.” It’s like a Slip ‘N Slide for adults, and you remember how fun those used to be.

Keep Your Clothes . . . On

Usually the clothes are the first things to come off when you’re in the middle of getting naughty with your girl, but what if you left them on instead? And, no, not your Sunday Funday outfit of a college T-shirt and sweatpants. We’re referring to you donning a sick suit to please your lady and playing the part of the sexy mofo you are. “Dress in your best and put on that cologne she loves. Undress her . . . first with your eyes and then with your hands and teeth, but keep your clothes on,” says McKay. “There’s something so sexy about a man in a suit that us ladies just can’t resist. Focus all of your attention on her, and only undress the parts of you needed to give her the best sex of her life. Then give her a long, drawn-out tease by kissing her all over her body, and maybe even playfully using some accessories on her most sensitive areas. And only when she begs you should you undo your fly.”

You’re welcome.

Brianne Hogan is a freelance writer based in Toronto, something of a humorist, and considers herself more Bridget Jones than Samantha Jones. Though she won’t reveal which parts, she will admit to liking emotionally unavailable men and drinking lots of wine.  You can follow her on Twitter  @briannehogan.

This is a test