Down with the Freebie Five!

If you’re lucky enough not to know what the Freebie Five is, I’ll enlighten you. The concept, which originated on the TV show “Friends” (isn’t that bad enough?), is that each member of a couple gets to create a list of five celebrities he or she can sleep with, consequence-free, should the opportunity present itself.

Here’s why I hate it: The Freebie Five indulges the fabrication that only a miniscule segment of society is good-looking (a segment that spends excessive time on exercise and cosmetic surgery). Worse, it encourages couples to be coy about their libidos. Discussing the cute barista near your office may induce anxiety; appreciating Scarlett Johansson does not. The Freebie Five is not only a silly, boring game, but it’s also a smokescreen, shielding our lovers from our real desires.

People love the Freebie Five because it allows them to come clean, in a sense; they can admit that they indeed lust for others. Of course, it’s an abstract lust – a lust that could never be actualized. But if the trust is really there in your relationship, and you were to mention that the barista sure is pretty, your lady should accept that as a perfectly healthy – and honest – observation. And she shouldn’t feel threatened, because after all, the real thing preventing you from bedding ScarJo isn’t that she’d never even glance at you; it’s that you are in a committed, monogamous relationship. Right?

A final note: Moderation, of course, is key, so you can call the barista a babe if you’d like, but please, avoid thrusting your crotch while you say it.

What do you think of the Freebie Five? Let us know by commenting below.

Image courtesy of Indoloony on Flickr.


1 thought on “Down with the Freebie Five!”

  1. Nice slippery slope.

    But who is so insecure that they can’t tell the difference between a harmless point of conversation, and a serious threat to their relationship?

    Your first problem could be taking cues on real life from Friends.

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