Attention Gentleman: You are about to ruin your chances with that new, hot, fun, take-home-to-mom worthy woman you are dating. There are things that you do that are sending warning signs her way. They are turning her off and making her second guess her decision to introduce you to her friends. You can’t fix the problem if you aren’t aware of it, so I’m here to help you identify the issue. Remember: Step one is admitting you have a problem.
- The way you talk to the waitress or bartender. You might think you are doing her a favor when you yell over at the bartender to get his attention. Getting her a drink faster is a good thing right? Wrong. The way you talk to people in the service and helping industries says a lot about who you are. Talking down to a waitress or treating a bartender like his only purpose in life is to serve you tells us you aren’t considerate to the needs of others. And tipping? A ten percent tip to waitstaff, tells us you are stingy and self-centered. It’s not just about the money, it is more about how open you are to show appreciation to the people around you. We don’t need you to be a big spender, but we are looking for generosity.
- The drink you order: Drinking cranberry vodka out of a tiny straw reminds of us our college girlfriends. Unless you secretly have glitter under your shirt and are about to lose a shoe on the walk home, say no to the cranberry vodka. Stick to dark beers and dark alcohols mixed with only one other ingredient.
- The way you talk about your ex-girlfriends. It is entirely possible that your last girlfriend really was “a total nut job.” Maybe she really was a “complete psycho” and you really “dodged a bullet by not marrying that b*tch” But please remember that as a woman, we are in a lifetime pact of solidarity with other women. When you talk in degrading ways about your ex’s, we are only hearing the way you are talking about women, not that woman specifically. This is a person who you were intimate with and who, we assume, you cared about at one point. We stopped listening to how horrible she is and started wondering what is wrong with you about 15 seconds into the conversation.
- The way to talk about your coworkers and boss – Our jobs suck too. Our coworkers? They are selfish nut jobs too. Venting is fine. Even a borderline smack talk session is totally acceptable. What will raise the red flags is once you start secretly insinuating that you deserve more than what you are currently getting. There is nothing that turns a lady off quicker than an entitled man. Think about your recent rants about work. Are you using the phrases: “I deserve,” “he owes me”, “she’s not as good as me”, or the dreaded “it’s not fair”. If you are, we’re judging you and backing slowly toward the door.
- How you interact with your phone. Whether it’s work or social media or something sneaky that you don’t want us to know about, we notice how obsessed you are with your phone. If you are constantly holding it, checking it, feeling your pockets to make sure you have it, we worry that you’re too connected to your behind the screen persona to get into a real relationship. We want someone who is going to be with us, in the moment, not tweeting out the moment to the world or checking his fantasy football stats, again.
You’ve been warned, gentleman. You are about to chase away a great girl because of the subtle red flags you are sending up. Say it with me now, “Hi my name is _____, and I have a problem.”