Your girlfriend’s kicked you to the curb and you have no idea why. Ghosting blows. The thing that you have to know about women is that we don’t want to break things off. We hate ending our relationships. But female intuition is a powerful tool, and seldom wrong, so if we’re thinking, “Nah, I’m not feeling this anymore,” then you’ve gotta understand, we’re feeling it for a reason.
She may have said, “It’s not you, it’s me,” but, actually, it really was you. And here’s why.
You Got Lazy
The early days of “date night” meant you and your GF trying the hot new tapas bar and then skinny-dipping into your neighbour’s pool afterwards to cool off. Now it means watching the hot new binge-worthy TV show in your sweats before dozing off. Not that cozy Netflix nights-in aren’t cute, but when you forget the romance in lieu of routine, then your girlfriend feels she’s not worthy of being wooed anymore, and will probably seek romance elsewhere (hint: it’s not on Netflix).
You Fight. A Lot.
Fighting happens in all relationships, and, sometimes, it can even become a bonding mechanism between a couple. But if you’re constantly at each other’s throats War of the Roses-style and picking fights with her, then, you bet your ass that she’ll leave you. Annoyances in relationships are normal, but aggression is not.
You’re a Schlub
If you have a futon for a couch, if you have books on the floor (and not shelves), if you still live for happy hour, if you have less than $50 to your name, basically, if everything about you screams “bachelor,” then, yeah, she’s going to leave you. Future plans are important in a relationship, and if a woman doesn’t think you have much of a promising one (she can’t see your potential as a husband, a father, or even as a full grown-ass man), then she will quickly become part of your past.
Sex Got Boring
Couples fall into a routine (see above). This usually includes their sex life, too. You know what works with each other, and sometimes, if you just want to get yours, you rely on the same old same old. But would it have killed you to spend a few extra minutes on foreplay rather than treating it like a means to an end? Or go downtown and act like you actually mean it? I guess not, right? Because now you’re alone and your best friend is your dominant hand.
Do I need to even explain why this was a deal-breaker? I didn’t think so.
Bottom line: if you’re attached and committed, or even if you’re at that pivotal 4-month mark when couples are likely to stay or go, make sure she knows you’re all in. If you love her, tell her. If you enjoy her company, show her. Talk about the future, and include her in it. Give her a reason to stay with you, and she will. That is, if you want her to. If not, well, then, I wish you and Netflix a lifetime of happiness.
Brianne Hogan is a freelance writer based in Toronto, something of a humorist, and considers herself more Bridget Jones than Samantha Jones. Though she won’t reveal which parts, she will admit to liking emotionally unavailable men and drinking lots of wine. You can follow her on Twitter @briannehogan.