You don’t have a plan, you need a plan, let’s cut to the chase.
BUY HIM A PRESENT
If he’s a carnivore, get him some mail-order Waygu steaks or a membership to Carnivore Club.
If he’s beardy, get him some beard oil.
If he likes classic motorcycles, get him this coffee table book. If it’s Shelby Mustangs, then go with this one.
Your dad is a cigar smoker but you aren’t confident enough to pick out something good? Get him this handy cigar caddy.
Your dad likes irony? Here’s a Karl Marx piggy bank.
He likes TV? Get him twenty-four terabytes of TV storage.
He likes gadgets? There’s this robot gutter cleaner—and as a bonus, you’re out of gutter cleaning duty!
He’s an audiophile? There wood tonal headphones should do the trick.
And if you’re truly screwed and don’t know what dad wants, try giftagram. They have an all-gift selection and they’ll deliver right away.
BUY HIM BOOZE
If he likes peaty scotch, get him an Ardbeg or a Laphroaig.
If he likes sweeter scotch, get him a Balvenie.
If he likes bourbon, make sure it’s a single barrel.
If he likes rye, you can’t go wrong with Canadian Club 100% Rye.
If it’s Irish whisky, Green Spot would be very special.
If he likes gin, go with Death’s Door.
If he’s a vodka man, get him a vodka with a James Bond twist.
And if you want to have a beer with your dad, get some Cameron’s, Beau’s latest mixpack, or a selection of Rogue. Seriously: Dead Guy Ale.
MAKE HIM SOMETHING
At your age, macaroni pictures ain’t gonna cut it. You have two choices: dinner or drinks.
If steak is out, go with a mushroom fettuccini.
If your father’s day is a bit of a party, make some scotch eggs.
If you’re truly handy in the kitchen, you can confit some rabbit.
If you need a fresh take on a Caesar, here are three.
If he’s old fashioned but you aren’t, compromise with a maple old fashioned.
If you’re desperate for a cocktail, any cocktail, we have hundreds.
And if all else fails . . . practice saying these words without choking up: “Dad, happy father’s day. I’m proud to be your son.”
