Let me roll my eyes to start this off. There. Done. Do you remember that stupid book that all the women went crazy over: He’s Just Not That Into You? (I’m generous in calling it a book. Just like it would be generous to call 50 Shades of Meh a book.) There was no reason to write this book because we knew.
We knew that you weren’t that into us. Yet we needed a book to confirm our suspicions in the same way you sometimes have to read an article with a headline screaming Smoking Is Bad for You. Actually, to be honest, we know a lot of things you don’t think we know. Here are 12 things we know:
Our ass really does look good in those jeans. We ask because we want you to notice how good it looks. It’s not insecurity – it’s vanity.
You want to sleep with the woman whose name seems to come up a lot.
You check out other women. In the restaurant. Cutting your steak, staring at your steak. Your ass & boobs-detecting antennae is on the whole time. We know.
You fantasize about all kinds of women. Maybe all the women. Even the grumpy convenient store lady.
You don’t know why you fantasize about the grumpy convenient store lady. You feel guilty and weird about it. We know.
You daydream about your high school crush. Sometimes you make love to her in your mind, in bed with us.
You hate going to our friend’s wedding with us.
Visiting our family is as appealing as crocheting sweaters for our little dog. (But sometimes you like our dad more than you like us.)
You dislike our little dog. And his sweaters.
You are jealous especially when you say you’re not. Especially when you can’t seem to remember our male friend’s name.
We can tell that you’re probably not going to call us.
We can also tell you’re going to break up with us.
DID JOWITA MISS ANY THINGS WOMEN ALWAYS KNOW? TELL US IN THE COMMENTS BELOW
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Image courtesy of x-ray delta one.
I have waited a couple of days to contemplate my response to this article, as my first reaction was a great deal of dismay and a good dollop of anger. I realised that I had to process the items listed in the article and I came to realise that there is only one thing said in it: the beautiful and eloquent Ms. Bydlowska is very sad, and grieving deeply. Probably with good reason, but I don’t agree that the reasons she cites are the ones I think they are.
I do not know Ms. Bydlowska’s personal history, but I learned the hard way through my own sad history in my personal relationships, that I am utterly responsible for my own emotional experience. For whatever reason, I picked those women to enter my life and heart. That the bulk of them were as dysfunctional as I was is not the fault of all women. That I was dysfunctional is not the fault of all men.
I am very uncomfortable with all of us men being painted with the same brush. it is basically saying that ALL men are boors, buffoons or bastards. The idea of there somehow being a “Collective Responsibility” shared by all men because of the actions of a portion of the Male population is not, in my opinion, healthy. This sort of dangerous thinking leads to phenomena like racism, ethnic cleansing, and genocide.
In my own personal journey, I was at one point dissing my self for being the “common denominator” in a series of what I viewed as my endless stream of failed relationships, and that perhaps I should give up on Love and just live a shallow lifestyle of casual promiscuity. A very wise man suggested to me that he wasn’t seeing very much self compassion at that moment, and that I should not give up on Love and Romance. He suggested that there was probably a woman out there on the same page of her life as I was in my own, who was seeking me. Further, he suggested, it probably wasn’t my fault at all: it might simply be the method I used to pick my partners.
I would suggest that Ms.Bydlowska skip the shame and guilt steps for both us men and herself, and just go back to the drawing board. For me, it was writing out a “Job Description” for the woman I was seeking so ardently, and look at how my own self esteem issues conspired to inform my choices of partners. I had to revamp my ideas about myself, and rewrite my job description for the lady I sought, and still seek. I would rather experience self generated moments of joy in my life alone, than have lots of unending dis-satisfaction and grief by entering into yet another unhealthy relationship, due to a fear of solitude.
I believe that most of us, myself included, undervalue ourselves, no matter what we say we are doing, and “settle” for someone who’s willing to “settle” for us. We rationalise our not so good choices by maintaining that he or she fits our vision of what we say or think, or what we are supposed to want. These are often mere superficialities, or mistaken ideas of what we want from life, and love through confused values and/or principles.
I am committed to choosing more wisely.
I believe that my happiness if MY responsibility, 100%, and if I give responsibility for that to someone else, then I am not only setting them up for failure, I am setting the entire relationship up to fail. “If you want it done right, do it yourself”. My vision of what partners do for each other is help create a place between them which is safe, supportive and conducive for the partners to develop, attain, or achieve their own happinesses.
Namaste, with hugs,
Harry Steel R.M.T.