6 Signs You’ll Always be “Just Friends”

The other day a guy touched me on my naked thigh and looked deeply into my eyes – WTF? We were laughing at a dog wearing nail polish that walked by. We hate dogs. That’s a lie, I like dogs. But he hates dogs, he said. The point is, he touched me and elbowed his way right into my irises like I was supposed to get something — what? I didn’t think about it till later in the night. By the way, I wasn’t nude and had on silk short shorts (and a top, you dummy) and that guy wasn’t my boyfriend or even a guy I thought of in that way. I always just saw him as this adorable teddy bear-type who you could laugh with about dogs with manicures. But then I got an email from him and it turns out I’m giving him “signals” and he’d love to explore that part of our friendship, take it to the “next level” and “see how it develops.”

Douchebaggery of assumptions aside, it made me think about people misinterpreting each other’s “signals” and how that plays into the phenomenon known as male-female friendships (also known as unicorns). So, for the guys who just aren’t sure what’s what, here are six signs you and your female friend will always be… just friends.

1. She says she only thinks of you as a friend (I know, hard to believe, but she means it).

2. She talks about her boyfriend/ crush/ guy she’s dating, a lot. She may sound like she’s angry with him. She is not angry with him. She wants to [beep] him. Him and not you. Harsh, I know but you asked.

3. You have sleepovers and she can be in the same bed with you and nothing will happen. Nothing will happen because you’re a gentleman (unlike that cad crush of hers that she wants to [beep]) and because she’s actually sleeping. That’s how comfy she is with you. Like you’re her favourite stuffed toy.

4. She calls you “cute” or “adorable” but the way she says it reminds you of the way your favourite aunt said it when you were three years old and crapped on the potty for the first time.

5. When she’s drunk she might make out with you. Especially if the cad stood her up. If she stays over (drunkenly passed out in your bed; you, the gentleman tossing and turning on the dirty couch in the living room), in the morning, she’ll either feign amnesia or she’ll act mortified and dash home. What’s not going to happen in the morning is her tongue in your mouth.

6. You get invited to her wedding.

By the way, I know you all watched all those romantic comedies with best friend who’s a guy turning into a love interest, and you might know of a friend who “married his best friend(!)” but the chances are kind of slim. Go for the girl who kisses back.

Image courtesy of BEYOURPET


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