Alright, boys. I am here today to tell you what not to do in your internet dating profiles – if you actually want to make contact with a female online, or in the real world. I have explored what you think are cool and alluring profiles and I have discovered that many are, in fact, creepy, suspicious, and alarmingly uninviting.
“New in town”: When you write that you are new to town, it seems like you might bring some fresh energy to the city, but we fear you will be a clingy attachment. Please settle in for a bit, learn some restaurants, find out about some charming cafes and art galleries and then create your dating profile, please.
“Family is important to me”: When you write, two times, within your opening paragraph how important family is to you, warning bells go off. At first, we think you’re a sensitive and devoted man keen on creating a family. Then, we find out that you come with your own daughter and that you will use her as an excuse whenever you don’t feel like hanging out. Yes, she is just so cute. When is she going to bed? And, we know where that places us. That 6 year old princess daddy’s girl will remain the apple of your eye, while we become the pit. Why don’t you just hire a hot nanny who only wants sex?
“I am passionate”: When you say that you are passionate, that’s lovely. When you say that you’re intense, that can be okay, too. When you say that you are passionate, intense, driven, have boundless energy, that you’re unstoppable and never give up on any goal you set, well, you have now told us that you have all the makings of a stalker. Thank you. Please sign your restraining order and have a nice day.
“Looking for a woman who’s not crazy”: You may think that you are advertising yourself as the benchmark for sanity when you say that you don’t want any crazy girls contacting you, but we know what that means. First, you consider all your ex-girlfriends to be nuts and you’ve parted badly from those relationships. Second, what is it that you do that causes women to hit the crazy button? Haven’t you heard of the Law of Attraction? You just told us all about yourself without even knowing it, Mr. Crazyman.
We admire a man who can even commit to creating an online profile. It’s sweet and encouraging that you are open to love. I don’t want to discourage you at all. But, keep these things in mind when you are signing up to date women online. We’re women. We have intuition. We read between the lines. We analyze things that you think can’t be analyzed.
So keep it short, simple and honest with a little dash of flair and you just might attract the woman of your dreams and she just may find you to be the man of hers. And, if not, well, maybe she can introduce you to one of her friends.