Height, Shoes and the Dimensions that Really Matter

Cigarettes, sun, grit, a bit of sweat and a bit of booze…  it did my head in. We were very young and I could close my eyes and find him anywhere, my nose like a dog’s, smelling him. I’d follow him to the end of the world. For years, other men profited from that olfactory memory because if they got the mix right, there I would be, wide-eyed, their girlfriend if they wanted.

The first guy I had a crush on was shorter than me. The last guy I had a crush on wore sad shoes, broken Converse. Does it matter what perfume you choose, what shoes you wear, what height you are? The short answer is probably not. The long answer is more complicated. Here’s how you can improve your odds (and how you can’t):

It does not matter. Short and confident is better than tall. Exhibit A: Mick Jagger and L’Wren Scott.

A good sense of humour can outweigh any weight. Louis CK. Zach Galifianakis. You don’t need to be in their league to make us laugh, but it’s better to be funny than bitter (that goes for fat, skinny, short and even the guy wearing Crocs).

There’s absolutely no telling if a woman will be attracted to a particular scent. Besides my cigarettes & grit trigger, I’ve also liked Old Spice (because of some old boyfriend), and I went nuts for Issey Miyake cologne another time. I think it’s safer to use cologne than rely on the punk rock aesthetic of ciggies – especially if you’re over the age of 21. Best if you shop with a woman friend to tell you what smells good on you (you’ve got to test this stuff!).

If you have lots of hair, that’s nice, we like it, just don’t make it a Claymation project with too much gel. If you don’t have hair, don’t pretend to have it – shave it. Women like bald men. Women don’t really care about your hair that much. They care about their own hair and their girlfriends’ hair much more.

Women look at guy’s shoes and judge him harshly based that. Let’s simplify it: sandals, Crocs, dirty runners, boat shoes and anything with tassels makes you look like a dork. It’s up to you to decide if you want to be a dork any longer or not. (We already talked about that. I can’t believe you’re asking again.)

A guy with a short pen once said, “It’s not the size of the pen, it’s the penmanship.” The Top Secret Vagina Intelligence and Counter-Terrorism Bureau Research Team is still conducting its studies with, so far, inconclusive results.

Image courtesy of ZeRo`SKiLL.

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