Confession: I’ve never understood why a guy’s enjoyment of smut would create an issue in a relationship. Personally, I quite enjoy porn. And I know many women who do. Men sometimes assume that women simply don’t. Don’t assume, and ask – we might surprise you. Off the top of my head, I can think of ten sites I visit from time to time to peruse the new (and free) content. No big deal.
As for you and your collection, as long as it doesn’t depict illegal or disturbing content, it should simply exist to enhance your sex life (not replace it) and could even be shared by both of you. While I know that for some women this may be a deal breaker, here’s how you can try:
- Don’t be a hamster and bury the things in your computer or under your bed. For many women it’s not the smut that upsets, it’s the secrecy. All girls snoop (ALL girls snoop*) and she’ll snoop it out. You don’t want her writing to “Dear Ellie” lamenting your weird fixation with Busty Brunettes.
- Hold it! Before you Show & Tell, make sure it’s done in the right context. Don’t break out your news on the first date or even the third. If you find your new lady staying over a lot, that’s the right time to do it.
- If you’re not sure how to do it, try initiating a conversation about it, maybe when you’re both in the early stages of these excitable, teasing chats about sexual history. (Please have those. Seriously, if you’re not having those, what are you doing?) Examples: “Have you ever had threesome?” “And what kind of porn turns you on?”
- If she absolutely hates it (the reasons may be varied and serious) consider if this may be a deal breaker for you. If it’s not, awesome: Pass Go, collect $200, take up tennis.
*And, yes, they will open the folder on your computer called “Old Tax Forms.”
——————–
Image by Comstock.
Wow! Amazing! ANY woman who snoops through my computer is out on her ass the next day, whether she finds erotica, tax returns or anything else personal. You want to look, ASK. Or else we will go into your purses, diaries etc. I can’;t believe you would mention it, let alone condone, that kind of invasion pf privacy. “ALL girls snoop?” I had one who did and the relationship rapidly imploded from there. If your diary is off-limits, don’t expect my computer to be any less sacred.
In what way does suggesting that ‘all girls’ are distrustful harridans who cannot trust anyone, a good thing ? If a woman is ‘open’ to her man watching porn, well, she should be ‘open’ to minding her own business, just as she wants others to mind theirs.
I like everything you said but i agree with the otheers my computer is My Computer and if she snoops she wil be in for a rude awakening. It is likeof of the last bastions of privacy these days