Lie To Me

Mother was right. Lying is bad, and you should never lie to your woman. You get caught, we get paranoid. We get paranoid, you lie more… it’s a vicious cycle. But there are eight situations where it’s okay to lie to your woman.

1.Which one of my friends would you like to sleep with?
“All of them” may be the correct answer, but you should never answer this question truthfully. We’re not really asking about that, we’re asking if you think we’re the hottest.

2. Do you like my Dad/Mom/family member I look up to?
“He/She’s a great guy/woman” is the only possible answer even if you hate him or her.

3. Is my whatever fat in this whatever?
Say “kind of” and you are dead. Take a lesson from BD.

4. Do you like my new hair?
Yes.

5. Have you ever cheated on your past girlfriends?
No.

6. Was your ex good in bed?
The best answer is “Why would you even ask me that?” No discussion to follow. Don’t ever volunteer this information even if you aren’t asked.

7. Do you want to attend an event that is very important to me?
Even if it involves people in robes, infants, yogis, goats or sober alcoholics, do not let me know the extent of your sacrifice and displeasure. Just lie and say, “Absolutely!”

8. Did you get this on sale?
“Of course not, why would you even ask me this, you bloody materialist?” Okay, tone it down and note: this is not so much about the money but about the amount of sacrifice you had to make. It dates back to those princess-knight situations.

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