For most guys, the topic of women bringing up sex too soon appears to be a non-issue. But for most women, sex talk too early on is the online dating equivalent of Internet pharmacy spam clogging up your inbox. It’s annoying, unwelcome, and we can’t imagine that anyone would actually respond.
But how early is too early? If you’ve made it clear in your profile that you’re looking for a relationship or casual dating, anytime before the first few in-person meetings is too soon. Protocol-challenged guys, if you don’t learn anything else from this article, pay attention to this: Most women are uncomfortable with graphic sex talk with someone they don’t know. And if they’re not, they’re hanging out in the “intimate” communities, not on the general dating sites.
Mary Jo Fay, author of Please Dear, Not Tonight: The Truth About Women and Sex, says “If a guy mentions something in a profile (in addition to his height, weight, job, loves, passions, etc,) that he enjoys lazy afternoons under the covers with someone he loves, that’s one thing. But if he’s sending a potential mate web links to porn sites or sex toys, or is asking her what position she prefers, or invites her to have phone sex with him before even asking her about her likes, family, job, expectations in a relationship, then he’s really only looking for one thing. Period.”
As obvious as it seems, the time to bring up sex is after several successful dates, when the individuals feel they are beginning to build a bond and have the potential for a ‘real’ relationship.
Whether you’re a man or a woman, don’t use the implied anonymity of the Internet to disregard social filters that would normally be in place. The world (and online dating) works a lot better when we’re all on our best behavior.