What the Ex is Going On?!

It was the day after this guy’s birthday and his phone rang. He picked it up. We were in bed. Just the two of us. Suddenly there were three of us: me, him, and his ex. I don’t remember what happened next because I swam off to the red, hot sea of rage.

Breakups are complicated and they’re rarely clean breaks; emotions linger on and emotions are created (not good emotions), especially if you, the guy in the middle of your ex and your current girlfriend, don’t know how to balance all of your past and present relationships. Here’s how you do it so that nobody has any reason to cry.

If the phone rings, and it’s your ex and you’re in bed with your current girlfriend (or at dinner, or at her parents’ house, or anywhere next to her), don’t answer, don’t text back, ignore, ignore, ignore (you can reply later, when you’re alone, duh). That’s it, there’s no more wisdom here. Just don’t answer. Result? No tears.

Or whatever reason you have for keeping your ex close is not good enough of a reason to cater to her whims and manipulations. You know she’s calling all her guys for favours so why do you think you’re specially special? If you do respond because you hope to get back together, you should hold off on dating until you’re all exorcised. Otherwise tears.

Keep your ex there, sure, but get rid of your wall so that she can’t flaunt publicly that particular connection you still have. Why do you still have that particular connection, anyway?

Party Time
Introduce people to each other. This means calling your girlfriend your girlfriend, not “My friend Jenny” to your ex. Call her your friend and you’ll get as much action as you would from your friend Bob. Women are territorial. Deal with it.

Women Friends
You’re absolutely entitled to have them. If she’s jealous of your female friends for no good reason (good reason: you keep nude pictures of them under your bed), you might want to start dating someone older than 18. Just a tip.

Image courtesy of Rachele Maggi.


1 thought on “What the Ex is Going On?!”

  1. Great advice. I have 3 kids with my ex – a very good reason to maintain an ongoing connection. Still, I can always call back if I’m with someone else when she calls. Unless there is something important re the kids, then I give the person I’m with a quick explanation and keep the call short.
    The best example was one Sunday morning when my ex was a little needy. Repeated ringing of my phone woke me and my girlfriend up. I put it on silent and we went back to sleep. She wanted to know why so many calls so we checked later in the day. When she saw I had ignored a dozen calls from my ex, she got the message that she was the more important woman in my life. If it was important they can always leave a message.

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