Will We Leave you for Magic Mike?

Once when I was a little girl back in Woodstock, Ontario, I went to see male strippers for a bachelorette. I was in my 20s, the other girls were too. Before we got here, everyone was giggling about touching or not touching a stripper penis but most of us had boyfriends so we couldn’t. The ones without boyfriends said they hoped they wouldn’t have to.

The other recollection of that evening I have are shiny male thongs, shiny chests, mullets and the audience of screaming People of WalMart. But you probably want to know about the guys – were they in any way threatening to the male population? And now with Magic Mike making its rounds in the movie theaters (and hordes of women going to see it – like I did, with my girl friends) you might worry that it’s all over for the average, average-built, non-shiny guy. Will you have to learn the Fireman routine or worse – get a penis pump or quit your day job to work on your abs?

Like the female strippers, male strippers are just a fantasy. True, the stripping world seems to have gotten frozen somewhere in 1986 (why?) fashion-wise, but the bodies can be intimidating for both genders. So yes, we like to look too but we mostly just go to look. It’s all silly fun and nobody needs a little towel on their lap because no body fluids get exchanged. We get that the guys are supposed to be the male ideal but really, we’re just there for the dancing. We just really, really, really like the dancing.

Why not? We like unattainable, perfect human bodies too. After all, we’re the ones who came up with diets, plastic surgery and hair dye just to please you! So get your asses to the gym, the tanning salon and a waxing joint, and start taking care of yourself. We’re sick of your skinny arms and beer guts and your hairy moles and your lack of moves. Women like to look too! So there! You think you can out-Channing Tatum anyone with your intellect, sense of humour and charming personality?

Actually, probably.

Image courtesy of Thomas Hawk

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