Imagine a simpler time for soap. A time before marketers paraded women in skimpy outfits on TV and suggested that using shower gel would ensure your balls were more fun to play with. Remember a time when you grabbed a bar of Irish Spring and did your thing. Maybe it’s time to return to those days. Ditch the gel. Stop slathering excessive amounts of liquid soap on yourself. Puncture that notion that a certain brand of soap will help you score and return to the bar.
Kiehl’s Ultimate Man Body Scrub Soap ($17)
Strange ingredients such as sloughing bran, oatmeal, and volcanic rock are key components in this soap. Their purpose: Helping you strip dead skin from your body. Reviewers say it’s worth it. Some suggest using it as a shaving soap and one guy said it worked wonders on his elbows. Plus, I figure if you have to trust a product when the name is all business.
Dr. Bronner’s Pure Castile Soap ($6)
Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soaps are what you’d call a heritage brand. The legacy began in 1858 when a Jewish family started making soaps in the old world. More than 150 years later, they’re still at it. You’ll buy this soap because it’s certified fair trade, almost every ingredient is organic, and because it smells like citrus. You know that smell when you slice through an orange, lemon or lime and a bit of the juice sprays out. Yeah; that in bar form.
Burt’s Bees Natural Skin Care for Men Bar Soap ($7)
Most people know about Burt’s work to shield your lips from chapping. But he’s also into natural skincare for men. Ingredients in this bar are 99.7% natural and the scent is a combo of citrus with hints of fir and rosemary.
Man Cave Soapworks’s Mountain Man Exfoliating Soap Bar with Organic Oils and Shea Butter ($7)
If you’ve read or considered reading Henry David Thoreau’s Walden; or, Life in The Woods, try Mountain Man. Like the book, this soap will inspire you to focus on a simple life in nature. It’s a woodsy concoction of basil, juniper, lemon, sandalwood, and patchouli available on Esty. The company’s called Man Cave Soapworks. Each artisanal bar is handmade in Pennsylvania by a woman named Carrie. How’s that for provenance?
Tom Ford Neroli Portofino Bath Soap ($40)
“I don’t pop molly, I rock Tom Ford.” Was Jay-Z endorsing this luxury soap when he said that? We may never know. But if you tell yourself that you’re worth it then this is your $40 bar of soap. It’s got Tunisian Neroli, which I had to look up in order to tell you it’s an essential oil that’s packing citrus notes and skews bitter.
____________
Pierre Hamilton is a freelance writer from Toronto, where some of his best friends describe him as an acquired taste. He enjoys bourbon and scotch, but craves craft beer, overproof Jamaican rum and great non-fiction. He has a very limited style knowledge but knows what he likes. He also produces a monthly music podcast called Sound Considerations. Follow him, but not too closely, on Twitter.
