Five Women to Date Before You Die

You have your type. We all do. Most people date types: the same kind of personality, over and over. Type-dating by no means signifies a personal rut or a disinterest in adventure; it’s often subconscious, and certainly easy. Still, in the era of the social network hookup, what’s really easy, like never before, is dating outside of your comfort zone. (Corollary: Modern monogamy is becoming synonymous with monotony.) Embrace the rich diversity so accessible in urban life. Learn something, have fun, experiment. Remember, you don’t have to marry her. Here, then, open-minded friends: five daring dating detours.

The Traveler
She’s new to town and won’t be around for long. She doesn’t want anything serious; fast and furious is her style. You’ll act as her tour guide — with benefits. She’s keen to fully experience your city and hang out with locals. The more interesting the options you offer, the more you’ll see her.

Learn from her: Life is about experiencing new places and meeting new people.

Find her: She’s the girl with the backpack hanging out in hostel bars. Also spotted with map and travel book in city centre cafes. You may find her taking photos of landmarks, in which case: Ask if she’d like you to take a shot with her in it. Compliment her accent and invite her for a drink.

Warning: You may end up living in Australia.

The Single Mom
It’s not easy raising a kid on your own and being overlooked by eligible bachelors because you have a pint-sized sidekick in tow. She’s eager for adult conversation and a more than a little romance. She’s also busy and tired. Cook a meal for her and junior and you’ll be invited to stay after story time.

Learn from her: You will rediscover your inner child and get a really good idea of whether or not you want to have kids of your own. You’ll also have an excellent excuse to play video games.

Find her: She’s at the playground and, yes, she is checking you out. Show up in decent jogging gear, or with your dog — otherwise, you’re the creepy guy at the park without a kid.

Warning: You may end up an adoptive father or in conflict with her ex. And don’t forget that all cute kids grow up to be teenagers.

The Activist
She’s passionate, politically aware and sometimes angry. It’s sexy. Full of energy and enthusiasm for her cause, she believes she can make a difference. She likes to hang out with like-minded people and talk shop.

Learn from her: A whole lot about her cause, whether it be political, social or environmental. You’ll also discover the power of the people and the true cost of apathy.

Find her: Look for her at rallies and protests, but plan to meet her at a volunteer meeting. Mention that you recognize her from a previous gathering, and make sure to brush up on the cause to carry you through the conversation.

Warning: You may end up in jail.

The Suicide Girl
Whether or not she’s officially a member of Suicide Girls — “the sexiest, most dangerous global sorority of beautiful pinup girls that has ever existed” — she embodies the attitude, sass and sex appeal of alternative culture. She’s likely tattooed and pierced.

Learn from her: Depends on what she’s into and what you’re willing to try. Think, new sexual experiences.

Find her: If you’re looking for the real deal, join the Suicide Girls’ online community and you can connect with vixens in chat rooms or by sending them messages; however, go this route and your relationship may never move beyond the virtual world. She can also be found at fetish nights and indie rock shows.

Warning: You may end up with a tattoo and a hangover.

The Power Executive
She’s wealthy, intelligent and knows what she wants: a man who will fit into her world. She’ll be wearing the designer pants in the relationship.

Learn from her: How to give up control and appreciate the finer things in life. She chooses the wine.

Find her: Through an executive dating service.

Warning: She has expensive tastes, and her career comes before you.

Image courtesy of Pierluigi Riccio.


12 thoughts on “Five Women to Date Before You Die”

  1. I find it odd that a woman would write an article that so commodifies and stereotypes women. Real women are complicated blends of all these types (maybe not single mom), and instead of dabbling in each of them like a change of clothes, real men try to find the mix that suits them. (And is a good person, not crazy, etc, etc).

    And: “Modern monogamy is becoming synonymous with monotony”, what does that even mean? Hasn’t that always been a risk/tradeoff of deciding to be with one person? I don’t think Facebook has QUITE conquered true love yet, if you can find it. Everyone I know on the dating/hookup scene finds it just as frustrating and annoying as ever, despite this supposedly glorious wealth of options.

  2. I think I stay subscribed to this site just to see what vapid pap you’ll publish next.
    A review:
    “The traveller” — the only thing exotic about her is the STDs, maybe… backpackers are dirty as fuck. I know, I used to be one. Most don’t shower OR shave on a regular basis… And if she’s willing to let an international stranger bang her after the bar, what makes you think you’re the first….. in this country. Gross, man.
    “The single mom” — really?? Ya, that’s on EVERY guy’s list. Nothing’s hotter than thinking about 9 someodd lbs of some other guy’s cum seed pushing it’s way out of her vag. Are you stupid or already out of ideas?
    “The Activist” — same as the traveller, only with more annoying political opinions. EVERYTHING to her is some bullshit statement about something no one with a real job cares about — and trust me, that’s all you’ll be hearing about. Maybe you don’t care since this list is clearly geared toward the cheap ONS… But ask yourself, do you like paying for everything? Because you will be, not because you’re a gentleman, but because she’s unemployed and spending her welfare on smokes. Damn the man, right? Especially his taxes on that shit.
    “The Suicide Girl” — where did this stupid stereotype that girls with issues are hot in bed? Real check: most of overweight, pleather-bustin’ social rejects who hide behind their “ink”. No girl who respects herself needs to defile her body with a cheap tat, let alone fuckin’ wallpaper it with them. Also, if she’s on SG, she’s already a glorified whore, if not a real one. Respect yourself, if not her.
    “The Exec” — lol, and just what the hell makes you think a “wealthy, intelligent woman who knows what she wants” would waste her time with the case loser who’d willingfully go after the four other types of low hanging fruit on this list? OH, and she’s clearly not that “successful” if she’s hanging out on the “executive dating service”.
    Seriously, this article was a rock hard piece of shit through and through.
    Kill yourself. Seriously.

  3. That first post is pure gold! Funniest shit I’ve read in years.

    This article is proof that, not even women understand women…

  4. lol says, “Nothing’s hotter than thinking about 9 someodd lbs of some other guy’s cum seed pushing it’s way out of her vag. Are you stupid or already out of ideas?”

    it’s = it is, so it would appear you are the stupid one. That is basic grammar, pal. Plus, you’re a pig. No wonder you’re single and bitter.

  5. So, what—people can’t be types? Of course they can be types. I’m a type. AND I like certain types. Yeah yeah we’re all unique and complicated and bla blah blah. Jon + LOL, I don’t come here for Virginia Woolf(OR to “understand women”). I come here for ideas, AND to laugh at the commenters. So, thx!!

  6. RE: LOL

    Great post. Here are some of my experiences with these ‘types’:

    “The Traveller” – I did get an STD (warts) from one of these, so I agree with LOL.

    “Single Mom” – I never saw the kid, so out of sight, out of mind.

    “Activist” – she wasn’t really an activist, more like a cheap ass expecting me to pay for everything. After pretending I forgot my wallet, and she was forced to pay for her own $2 muffin and coffee – she stopped calling.

    “Suicide Girl” – more like an “alternative girl”. She was hot, and the sex amazing – until her personal issues got in the way of continuing the relationship.

    “Exec” – still working on this one, but looks doubtful at the moment.

    But the bottom line is I think everyone can be attracted to any sort of “type”. It’s really about how they are on the inside, no? This must explain why attractive women hook up with trolls and douchebags.

  7. lol clearly thinks this is the worst. article. EVER.

    “Kill yourself. Seriously.” Christ, settle the fuck down.

  8. Hell,there are some good ideas and some good laughs,had tried a few of them?? Have had a few fights with ex s and ended up in jail a few times….great info though….

  9. Let the Power Executive do what male Power Executives do; PAY for the dates. Did you all miss that part of Equality Class ?

  10. ED: I really hope you’re not paying for this garbage. I agree with the other comments here. This writer hasn’t got a clue. Stop wasting your budget on articles that totally miss your demographic and hire a decent girl, instead of a raging, vain ego-maniac with massive entitlement issues.

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