How to Call a Woman

You’ve mastered so many complex pieces of technology, yet one simple gadget seems to baffle you still: the telephone. We understand that it’s hard for you, but if you’re to maintain a romantic relationship with us, the fair sex, then talking on the phone is a skill you’d best master. Or, at least, learn to do semi-decently. Some essential tips:

Warmth: Women often complain that their otherwise lovey boyfriends become awkward and impersonal on the phone. We know you best express yourself physically, but, in lieu of actual contact, sprinkle your telephone conversation with extra-nice sweet nothings. It’s like sticking your chin out in photos: It might feel a touch unnatural, but it just turns out better.

Share This: Solely providing a sympathetic ear won’t cut it. We want you to recap your day’s triumphs and failures so that we feel like we’re involved in your life.

Dirty Details: Men and women have long been divided on the amount of detail they feel is relevant to a given subject. You may be baffled by your girlfriend’s propensity to go on (and on), but you’ve got to ride it out. For bonus points: Offer as many of your own details as your testosterone will allow.

End Well: We know. You’re on a couch with three dudes, the Game and a six-pack, but if you can get the end of the phone call right you may just salvage 6.4 minutes of awkward pauses. If dropping the L-bomb is too uncomfortable, try a sincere, “I’ll call you later babe,” or at least, a meaningful, “Me too.”

Image courtesy of Carlo Nicora.


2 thoughts on “How to Call a Woman”

  1. I hope Gretchen learns a little bit more about “men”. We certainly are not all like the mindless goofs she mentions ….. and I hope that not all women are like this “Gretchen from Hell”!!

  2. I found this article quite weak. Given a title like that and the need for many men to learn how to handle themselves better on the phone with women, there should be a lot more meat to this article. It’s more a quick opinion than a helpful piece backed by research and dare I say it… EFFORT?

    Sorry Gretchen, the thought does count, but words speak louder than intent.

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