We love you, but sometimes you make us want to eat glass. Here are the top ten most annoying things that men do. Please stop.
1. Learned helplessness
You bought soap and kept track of car keys before we met. Surely you can still hold it together now.
2. Priority misalignment
Guests are arriving for dinner in an hour. The place is a mess. Why is it suddenly crucial to wash the car?
3. Misplaced machismo
I love your strong arms. I don’t love risking an embolism when I strain to unscrew the pickle jar lid that you replaced with gusto.
4. Equipment repositioning
Save, maybe, for the most humid days of summer, there’s no excuse for constant shifting. Please, keep your hands where I can see them.
5. Electronics affair
I have breasts. Your BlackBerry does not. Why, then, does your gadget seem more interesting than me?
6. Inebriation as foreplay
Perhaps you don’t understand how booze works; you pounding beers does not actually increase my libido.
7. Careless childcare
Are you too big a man to acknowledge that a 105-degree fever is not cured with a hike?
8. TP aversion
Is there something beautiful about the sight of an empty toilet paper roll? Then why do you stare at it so much?
9. Early onset blindness
How can you not see the socks that have been on the floor for six days?
10. Flatulence concealment
There are only two people in the room; plus, I saw you shift weirdly in your chair. Just because I can’t hear it doesn’t mean I don’t know.
Image courtesy of Gorilla Sushi.