The Sounds You Make in Bed

Women like strong, silent men. These men tend to be patient, vigorous, intense and skilful with a hammer. Most importantly, though, they’re good listeners. And while we adore a man who lets us wax on about the impertinence of the checkout girl at the supermarket, or the latest tiff with our best friend, there is one place where his silence is not so golden: the bedroom. Here’s how to bring in ’da noise.

Be a caveman: The only thing worse than creepy silence is a high-pitched scream. Avoid both; instead, offer the occasional grunt and groan to give us the guidance we require. Just as women bask in the positive reinforcement of a random stranger’s compliment (like, “Great shoes”), a few strategic “Oh yeahs” will take you a long way.

Be general: When it comes to dirty talk, generic phrases are often safest. Don’t get too technical. This isn’t surgery.

Put a lid on it: Do not use baby talk, refer to yourself as Daddy, or tell us where you learned to do that. And please, stop asking us if we’re there yet.

Follow the leader: Always answer any question we ask you. If we’ve broached it, you can bet it’s something we want to hear about.

Be kind: When all is said and done, say something nice. Try complimenting the feel of our skin or the flush of our cheek. Remember: A few good words will get you everywhere. Then go right back to being strong and silent.

Image courtesy of *Photos by Chris M* on Flickr.

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2 thoughts on “The Sounds You Make in Bed

  1. I’ve been getting emails from this site since it was guys xy or what ever it was called. I liked getting an up date on what was happening in the city and spots that I might not have heard about, but this is crap. Everytime I get an email about how women want us to do this and act like that I think bullshit.enough already. I’m man enough to know whatever it is with out caring how a women would do it. Football season is about to start heres a clue no guy wants it get an email written by some broad telling him how to include his women and make it chick-friendly save that kind of crap for women’s mag or Oprah

  2. AC, my man. Sounds like you already know not to whimper like a small girl while you do the nasty. That’s great. For guys who don’t know these things, this story will be indispensable.
    In any event, thanks for your suggestion. Stay tuned for a story on how to get your woman to watch football with you!

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