Dad vs. Darth Vader

Hallmark ensures that we praise our dads this weekend, but let’s face it: Your biological father didn’t raise you alone. Take a moment to pay tribute to six fatherly icons who pitched in.

Darth Vader
The Dark Lord balances evil with paternal affection, offsetting amputations with a tender proposal to rule the galaxy as a father-son duo. He and Luke may have never played catch, but they totally bonded when Vader threw Emperor Palpatine into the Death Star’s reactor core.

Sigmund Freud
The father of psychology offered groundbreaking insight into the father-son relationship, making us uncomfortably aware of our latent incestuous desires. But that’s what mothers…uh, fathers! Fathers! are for, right?

Uncle Phil
Beneath the gruff exterior, Philip Banks is a softie. The Big Guy lays down the law because he has an appetite for justice (among many other things), but we still tear up when we reminisce about his warm embrace of Will as his own son.

A veritable “father of many,” Abraham’s seed is just about everywhere these days. He did almost slaughter his first-born, but his devotion was rewarded with innumerable progeny – a.k.a, most of us.

Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt the Stilt could be your daddy. He claimed to have slept with more than 20,000 women (1.14 per day for 48 years), so it’s safe to assume the Big Dipper fathered a substantial few. If you can dunk, think twice.

James Brown
The Godfather of Soul raised generations of music lovers on feverish moves and sexy lyrics. His progeny includes: funk, rap, R&B and at least twelve children.

Image courtesy of Myrrh Ahn.


1 thought on “Dad vs. Darth Vader”

  1. Other great Dads:
    – Odin, because he doesn’t eat his kids like some of those other “Father-of-the-gods” we know.
    – Genghis Khan, just strictly on the basis of volume.
    – George Washington, because he’s the father of a whole country, and he did it while he was high, which is quite a feat.

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