Five Types of Crazy

Hi there, I’m hot, insecure and my name is Crazy. I am here to show you the best time of your life…if you manage to get out alive, that is. Here are five things that I am totally into and here’s what this means for you:

My life is a party. After you had your last beer, I was just beginning to feel a buzz. It’s the nerves, I swear. Do you mind if I smoke here? Only one cigarette, don’t be like that. Want to do a line? I’m sotally tober!
What this means for you: Lots of trouble, booze breath and cigarette burns in your pillow. Possibly a restraining order.

Purvis is just a friend. Seriously, he’s practically gay. Okay, he’s not really gay but he doesn’t do anything for me. It was just a back massage, what’s the big deal? We’ve been friends since grade six and we only sleep together when I drink.
What this means for you: It’s crowded when her best friend also wants to get in on the action. She may be using him to make you jealous – don’t give her the satisfaction and ignore him. He’ll disappear, guaranteed.

Why are you staring at her? I don’t care if it’s only TV. How do you think I feel if you compare me to Angelina? Yeah, you’re not saying anything but I can tell it’s what you are thinking.
What this means for you: Cut off your nether parts or get yourself one of those.

It’s your tone of voice!
Can you stop breathing so loudly?! She’s such a bitch! I’m leaving right now! Why don’t you just shove it?! Send it back! Stop here! I’m not screaming!
What this means for you: Sometimes you can channel all that angry energy into some serious bed action, otherwise just run as fast as you can.

I know we’re driving but so what?
No one can see if I touch you there anyway. No, don’t touch me there! Meow, don’t you like when I do this? Or this? Stop. I can’t, I just can’t. I’m sorry, I have to go now. Can I bite you?
What this means for you: A sexually wild girl is a lot of fun but be prepared to deal with some major baggage.

Photo courtesy of Occhi Rivoluzionari on flickr

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