The Do Not Wear List

There are certain things that a grown man with even an ounce of fashion sense should not include in his wardrobe. These things will detract from your style rather than add to it, so if you regularly wear any of these items you might want to reconsider putting them on in the morning. Here is our list of what not to wear.


Comfort isn’t an excuse. Wearing crocs will get you disapproving looks anywhere unless you’re a senior citizen or a little kid, and rightfully so. You look ridiculous with these things on. Please stop.


I saw a guy wearing a fedora with a t-shirt and jeans and it was all I could do not to tackle the poor bastard. Fedoras can only be worn with suits, and even then you’re taking a risk unless your name is Humphrey Bogart. This is one of those things that people wear when they are trying to look cool.

Socks with Holes

Nothing says “I’m letting myself go” quite like a big fat toe or heel jutting out of your socks. As soon as your socks get holey, either stitch them up or throw them out. Invest in good quality socks that last, not the $9 value pack from Wal-Mart, and this can be avoided.

Five Finger Shoes

Look, I know these might make you feel like a ninja when you’re out on your morning run, but there is no excuse for wearing these in any other situation. They aren’t meant for fashion anyway, so if you have a pair just use them for their intended purpose.

Super Tight Pants

How to tell if your pants are too tight: people walking by can see the outline of your cock. Your boys need room to breathe, so if your pants are tighter than your girlfriend’s pants you should change it up and get something with a little more space.

Crazy Patterns/Too Many Colours

Wild shirts and busy shoes with more colours than an English garden make you look juvenile. A mature man of distinction should really settle on a pallet of just a handful of colours that compliment his eye colour, hair colour, and skin tone. A cobbled-together style using a dozen different patterns or tones is visually jarring.

Ironic T-Shirts

You might have been able wear a shirt that says “FBI: Federal Breast Inspector” when you were in high school, but you are not in high school anymore. Wearing shirts like these signals that you are hopelessly clinging to your youth. It’s time to grow up.

Chris Riddell is a freelance writer from Toronto who covers art, business, and urban life for various fine publications. Also a poet and aspiring novelist, he’s busting his butt trying to get his name into a few literary magazines these days. He encourages you to check out his website for a look at what he’s been working on lately.

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