All Crank and No Action?

She’s giving you that look. She’s talking in a tone that’s aggressive, to say the least. She’s insisting nothing is wrong.

Yeah, you’re in for it, buddy. And no, “ïn for it” is not the kind of euphemism you’re hoping for. These denials are tell-tale signs that you have in fact done something she deems very, very wrong. And how dare you not know what you’ve done?! Feel the pressure? You can taste it. The tension can be cut with a knife. Hopefully that statement won’t become literal.

Still, all you wish for in that moment is to know not so much what you did as how she wants you to respond. This is why you proceed to say what every woman hates hearing. “Honey, I just don’t know what you want me to say.” May as well have told her to take a flying leap or lose some weight.

I just don’t know what you want me to say
. The fact that men can continue to be surprised every time they utter those seemingly innocuous words, only to see their women get even physically angrier and tonally more bitter, right before their eyes… Well, I guess that’s what makes men men. Women, for their part, will remain women. So, gents, here’s what to do in order to make yours happy (You agree that’s a reasonable goal, right?):

Apologize
Women want to know you understand where they’re coming from. We want you to empathize with us. Make a point of telling her, not indirectly but directly, that you acknowledge her feelings and that it’s hard, even upsetting, for you when you see her get all worked up. Make sure she knows that you are there for her sincerely, not perfunctorily. Then egg her on a little in order to learn what’s really going on.

Bring on the Happy
You’ve possibly heard the saying “Happy wife, happy life.” May as well make it “Happy girl, happy world.” The point: Try to cheer her up by offering her a trip to the ice cream shop or to go for a walk. When we’re not in a good place, negative thoughts only lead to more negative thoughts; the result is that she becomes emotionally raw. Be a partner and help lift up her spirits by doing something you know she’ll appreciate.

Just be there for her

She’s already feeling down, and your absence (notably, previous plans) may be misinterpreted as neglect. In the dating stages in particular, women want to know that they have a rock: someone strong and supportive. Instead of solely offering her suggestions on how to cope with her terrible boss/bitchy friend/annoying sibling, use yourself to advantage. Cancel your plans — and by all means, tell her so, but tell her subtly — and get together with her ASAP. Knowing she has someone who cares and is willing to put her feelings first will win you extra points, in both the short-term and the long-run.

Don’t make it personal

The fact is that when it comes to women and bad moods, we never remember that feelings are fleeting. Once we get an idea in our head and run with it, it takes over and essentially overwhelms us. With adrenaline pumping and defences up, she may say something she doesn’t entirely mean. Don’t take anything she says personally, and try hard not to let your pride get in the way. If you stonewall her or start a fight over how she’s acting, you’re just digging a deeper ditch. She needs to know her man cares about her, and won’t make it all about him. Because often enough, it isn’t.

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Image courtesy of Carnoodles.

Comments
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10 thoughts on “All Crank and No Action?

  1. You women are fucking crazy.

    You assume it’s necessary to treat you like an emotional invalid at all times just to keep the peace? I’m sorry, but it works both ways, and hormones aside, you need to be able to handle your own shit just a little bit. I’ll be there for you for the times that count (and you me, sista), but if you pull this insane emo bullshit over nothing, you better bet you deserve a man that “doesn’t get you”.

    And lol, drop all plans to come coddle you, “especially in the dating stages”?? — like you’d be attracted to that kind of whipped ass. You already have a pussy, silly. Any man that’s dumb enough to fall for that is exactly the kinda man that’s gonna one day walk in on you fucking me.

    Respect works both ways. Don’t ever forget that.

  2. false. wrong.

    if something is ACTUALLY wrong or ACTUALLY needing a support system (i.e. dead relative, fired from work, catastrophic event needing assistance) then yah, cancel your plans.

    if this is someone irritated over the fact that dishes didn’t get done, the better option for men is to stand up for yourself. Tell her how you feel straight back. Tell her you are happy to be there for her during the most important moments win, lose or draw, but neither of you have the time to bumble around trying to cheer one another up over stupid garbage.

    the female to male equivalent of this article is “if your man is being distant, offer to blow him instead of hanging out with your friends on girls night.” if you think that is correct, then fine, this article is correct.

    moreover, Daily XY is an online daily magazine for the urban male isn’t it? can we please get back to sending messages about cars, hockey, restaurants, sex positions and beer instead of aimlessly having these insecure women write articles about how we can be a bunch of pussy whipped self esteemless guys getting no pussy and make it the best relationship possible for her?

    christ. daily xy’s stock has burrowed lower than a mine shaft recently.

  3. Thank you to the men on the site for recognizing that being a woman does not entitle you to a free pass for bad or insane behaviour. If you say nothing is wrong, I will take you at your word. And if you are not honest with me, it’s YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT whatever happens.
    Gentlemen, Miss Kirsch is the same author of the now-famous “Why Men Should Always Buy Dinner”, a similar females-should-be-treated-better-only-because-they-have-vaginas article that got lambasted by guys who understand that this is nonsense.
    I may comment further later, but I could not let this one go without saying, bravo, dudes!

  4. Well, it’s mroe than clear that at least Jen Kirsch is fucking crazy. Women with MAJOR issues such as her are the main reason that the proportion of men who never marry has gone up by a factor of more than three in the last decade. Because who needs that kind of batshit insane drama ? No guy, that’s for sure. Yeah, I hear that this site is *supposed to be for men*. Based on Krazy Kirsch’s ramblings, that hypothesis is 100% false. Though, her stuff is good for one use: Do the OPPOSITE of whatever she suggests, and you’re bound to be right.

  5. This comment thread is veering too far into personal attacks. Nothing wrong with offering dissenting opinions; this is, after all, an advice column, and the author’s opinion needn’t match your own. Please, then, attack the opinion, and not the person.

  6. I actually found this piece useful. Don’t understand the vitriole from the other commenters…some of you guys seem pretty angry and bitter.

  7. Urban Guy, if you see nothing wrong and can’t understand the comments, you either don’t date or are not a guy.

  8. Lou good catch, Urban Guy is clearly either Jen herself or her editor. But the tone and tenor of the comments is right on. Daily XY is operating under the mis-guided belief that Us men are ham-fisted, sit-com frat boy tropes that really never existed. What’s worse the women they have writting for them think their a special perfect snowflake, unique and to be cherished. Stick to Tool, food and … whom am I kidding they don’t even get that right these days

  9. With further thought: The commenters are pissed not angry or bitter, their being let down. Let down by you DailyXY. Your promise to inform, educate, and be a place for men is turning into lies. In a world full of PC sameness, female scented everything you’ve taken your place with gusto. Hook me up with a place to get good suits, steak, a good mechanic. Having women tell me her nonsense as if I or anyone would care, go fuck yourself.

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