She’s giving you that look. She’s talking in a tone that’s aggressive, to say the least. She’s insisting nothing is wrong.
Yeah, you’re in for it, buddy. And no, “ïn for it” is not the kind of euphemism you’re hoping for. These denials are tell-tale signs that you have in fact done something she deems very, very wrong. And how dare you not know what you’ve done?! Feel the pressure? You can taste it. The tension can be cut with a knife. Hopefully that statement won’t become literal.
Still, all you wish for in that moment is to know not so much what you did as how she wants you to respond. This is why you proceed to say what every woman hates hearing. “Honey, I just don’t know what you want me to say.” May as well have told her to take a flying leap or lose some weight.
I just don’t know what you want me to say. The fact that men can continue to be surprised every time they utter those seemingly innocuous words, only to see their women get even physically angrier and tonally more bitter, right before their eyes… Well, I guess that’s what makes men men. Women, for their part, will remain women. So, gents, here’s what to do in order to make yours happy (You agree that’s a reasonable goal, right?):
Women want to know you understand where they’re coming from. We want you to empathize with us. Make a point of telling her, not indirectly but directly, that you acknowledge her feelings and that it’s hard, even upsetting, for you when you see her get all worked up. Make sure she knows that you are there for her sincerely, not perfunctorily. Then egg her on a little in order to learn what’s really going on.
Bring on the Happy
You’ve possibly heard the saying “Happy wife, happy life.” May as well make it “Happy girl, happy world.” The point: Try to cheer her up by offering her a trip to the ice cream shop or to go for a walk. When we’re not in a good place, negative thoughts only lead to more negative thoughts; the result is that she becomes emotionally raw. Be a partner and help lift up her spirits by doing something you know she’ll appreciate.
Just be there for her
She’s already feeling down, and your absence (notably, previous plans) may be misinterpreted as neglect. In the dating stages in particular, women want to know that they have a rock: someone strong and supportive. Instead of solely offering her suggestions on how to cope with her terrible boss/bitchy friend/annoying sibling, use yourself to advantage. Cancel your plans — and by all means, tell her so, but tell her subtly — and get together with her ASAP. Knowing she has someone who cares and is willing to put her feelings first will win you extra points, in both the short-term and the long-run.
Don’t make it personal
The fact is that when it comes to women and bad moods, we never remember that feelings are fleeting. Once we get an idea in our head and run with it, it takes over and essentially overwhelms us. With adrenaline pumping and defences up, she may say something she doesn’t entirely mean. Don’t take anything she says personally, and try hard not to let your pride get in the way. If you stonewall her or start a fight over how she’s acting, you’re just digging a deeper ditch. She needs to know her man cares about her, and won’t make it all about him. Because often enough, it isn’t.
Image courtesy of Carnoodles.