Getting a woman to go out on a date with you is one thing, but getting her to fall in love with you? That can be tricky.
If science is any indicator, chances are you’re probably already in that four-letter word territory while she’s only sniffing around the perimeter. Research shows that men, being visual creatures, tend to fall in love fast and furious a la Vin Diesel, while women need time to warm up Gwyneth Paltrow-style (this isn’t exactly earth-shattering news considering how boudoir antics usually go). Nevertheless, it can be frustrating for the lovestruck dude who’s wondering if his sweetheart is ready to take it to the next level with him.
Although there isn’t a real Love Potion no. 9 that you can serve to her (at least not a legal one), here are some tips that could help win her over.
Make Her Feel Special—But Don’t Crowd Her Space
You want to keep things light at the beginning, but not too light that will make her second-guess your feelings and think you’ve ghosted her. But you also don’t want to smother her and potentially freak her out by uttering the “L” word too soon. Oh, and you should also make her feel special at the same time.
Got all that?
Basically, keep things playful for the first few weeks of dating. Be spontaneous. Treat her to different types of dates. Tell her why you like spending time with her. Be specific, and please avoid saying “I think you’re nice” because curtains are “nice”. Check in with her, but give her time to do her own thing. She’ll appreciate it more than you realize.
Be James Bond
Women tend to be attracted to men with intelligence, humour, and a relaxed confidence—like 007. The type of guy who easily makes friends and commands a certain level of respect but isn’t showy about it. Apparently traits like these dates back to caveman days and prove to a woman that you can provide for her (a.k.a. settle down with). I think if you’re a likeable and smart guy, you’re probably less likely to be an asshole and therefore, more loveable. Liking your martini shaken—not stirred—couldn’t hurt, either.
Try New Things Together
Switching things up increase the activity of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain. These neurotransmitters are associated with energy, elation, focused attention, and motivation—basically all the good stuff you feel when you’re in love (no wonder The Bachelor franchise makes their contestants try different dating activities on a regular basis). So push your girlfriend out of an airplane (with a parachute attached, of course) and watch her fall in love with you.
Get Deep and . . . Boring
I don’t mean philosophizing about Plato or Ginsberg into the wee hours of the night (unless that’s really your thing), but open up to her. Let her know about the things that matter to you. An ex-boyfriend of mine once told me, late at night, lying in bed, that his biggest fear in life was failure, which then led into him opening up about his estranged father. I remember that night vividly because I felt that I understood a part of him that many people didn’t. I felt special; more importantly, I felt included in his life.
Also, don’t be afraid to tell her about the so-called “boring” things about you either, like what you ate for lunch, or that you had to drive your mom to the dentist three times in one day. It’s the boring things about our lives that often reveal our true connections to one another. The more boring things you know about each other, the closer you are. And remember: this also includes listening to all of her boring shit, too.
Support Her Through the Good and Bad Times
When your lady gets promoted or something awesome happens to her (her article got published, she’s going away to Europe with the girls, she won a raffle), be happy for her. Support her. Buy her a bottle of champagne. Even if you’ve never won anything in your whole damn life, be as happy for her successes as if they were your own, and she’ll never forget it.
And when she’s going through a shitty time? Like, crying-on-the-bathroom-floor-kind-of-shitty? Be there for her. Make her a cup of tea. Listen to her. Hold her. Because the guy who can be there for her—and I mean, really, full-on, be there for her emotionally and physically—during the hard times is the guy she will fall in love with. Mark my words.
Brianne Hogan is a freelance writer based in Toronto, something of a humorist, and considers herself more Bridget Jones than Samantha Jones. Though she won’t reveal which parts, she will admit to liking emotionally unavailable men and drinking lots of wine. You can follow her on Twitter @briannehogan.
Photo courtesy of Shutter Foto.