You know the type. She doesn’t call you for days, then shows up drunk and horny at your door at 3 a.m. She goads you into sex in public places. When she gets angry, she smashes things.
If you’re going to bang a bunny boiler, there are a few rules to follow so you don’t end up in your own private version of Fatal Attraction. Here’s how to get out with your testes – and your life – intact.
1. Don’t try to fix her.
She’s a pathological liar with a coke problem and daddy issues? You’re not the nice guy who’s going to make it better; you’re an outlet for her off-the-hook sex drive. Keep it that way.
2. Don’t play her game.
Does she hit on other guys in front of you? Don’t storm out in a jealous rage – it’ll just add fuel to her demented fire.
3. Keep some distance.
Don’t call too often. Don’t make plans. The sooner she gets her claws into you, the sooner the meltdown – the sooner you stop having sex with her.
4. Make a clean break.
Break up with her in a public place, and destroy all evidence of your coital exploits. But remain open-minded about post-breakup sex. It’ll be worth the trouble.
5. Always have a backup plan.
After the post breakup sex, maintain radio silence: Don’t call, don’t email, unfriend her on Facebook. Sooner or later she’ll find a new victim. If all else fails, change your name and move to a different city. Hey, don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Image courtesy of Rob Beyer.