How to Date (and Dump) a Crazy Girl

You know the type. She doesn’t call you for days, then shows up drunk and horny at your door at 3 a.m. She goads you into sex in public places. When she gets angry, she smashes things.

If you’re going to bang a bunny boiler, there are a few rules to follow so you don’t end up in your own private version of Fatal Attraction. Here’s how to get out with your testes – and your life – intact.

1. Don’t try to fix her.
She’s a pathological liar with a coke problem and daddy issues? You’re not the nice guy who’s going to make it better; you’re an outlet for her off-the-hook sex drive. Keep it that way.

2. Don’t play her game.
Does she hit on other guys in front of you? Don’t storm out in a jealous rage – it’ll just add fuel to her demented fire.

3. Keep some distance.
Don’t call too often. Don’t make plans. The sooner she gets her claws into you, the sooner the meltdown – the sooner you stop having sex with her.

4. Make a clean break.
Break up with her in a public place, and destroy all evidence of your coital exploits. But remain open-minded about post-breakup sex. It’ll be worth the trouble.

5. Always have a backup plan.
After the post breakup sex, maintain radio silence: Don’t call, don’t email, unfriend her on Facebook. Sooner or later she’ll find a new victim. If all else fails, change your name and move to a different city. Hey, don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Image courtesy of Rob Beyer.

Comments

2 thoughts on “How to Date (and Dump) a Crazy Girl

  1. Well, doesn’t this just feed those insecurity fires that go through every guy’s head (the one on his shoulders that is) when he starts seeing a new and exciting lady. Until you know that excitment only goes so far, you wonder, “wow, is she going to go to far?”

    Just how many of the ones we worry about really are crazy? 1 in 10, 1 in 100? But, then isn’t it ironic that when we stop worrying about them maybe being a little psycho, we also lose a little bit of that magic chemistry.

  2. Wanna date a reformed ‘crazy girl’…(do ya?) and the inquiries come pouring in, lol* Seriously. There’s crazy, and then there’s break into your boyfriend’s house and stab his mattress into shreds after hearing he’s eyed another girl. Now that’s crazy. Everything else is just an ‘issue’. Like a daddy issue, or an S&M issue, or a shyness issue. 😀 Life would be so boring otherwise, non?

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