Paris did it, and so did Kim. Pam, too. And Randy Quaid. I’m, of course, referring to the infamous sex tape. If celebrity sex tapes have taught us anything—besides being sweaty, hairy, and a bit icky with all the TMI—it’s that getting down and dirty with your partner when the Record button is on can be fun for a couple. Nothing is more naughty than filming your own private X-rated sex tape for your (and her) viewing pleasure—it just might be the spicy ingredient that your sex life is craving.
But before you rush to grab your iPhone in the midst of doing the deed, there are some tips you might want to consider—like how you and your partner will look on camera, and what’s really your best angle. That’s why I consulted Katrina McKay, also known as Sexpert Kat and CEO, Ohhh Canada, for her advice on how to make a tape that’s, well, sexy.
Why a Sex Tape?
You or your partner might be wondering why you’d want to film yourself knocking boots in the first place. It can be embarrassing and a tad technical for some, but it can also be liberating and super stimulating. “Creating your own homemade porn with your lover can be exciting and feel naughty. You can enjoy both making the movie, and watching it together later,” says Kat. “You can even make a sex tape of you just playing by yourself (perhaps with a toy!) as an overtly sexy surprise gift.” Nothing says “Happy Birthday” quite like a happy ending, right?
You might not have the budget to hire some gaffers and grips, but ensuring your lighting is flattering is crucial. “Keep the lighting low, but still lit enough so that you can see what you want to see when you play it back,” says Kat. “A bedside lamp works well. Candles are great, too, but can be finicky and you don’t want to be distracted worrying about them while you’re in the midst of your shoot.” Just remember to keep it low and glow when it comes to lighting, and you two should be golden.
When it comes to camera angles, we all have a good side and a bad side, so you want to make sure that your good side is being shot from the perfect spot (that way she’ll love her feminine curves and you’ll dig the look of your manhood). According to Kat, there are a few options to consider. “If you’re doing it selfie-style, which works best if you’re acting as a solo performer, holding your smart phone in your hard will work just fine—although it will mean that you only have one hand to use,” she says. “Another option, again if you’re going “selfie style” is to place your smartphone face up on your bed and “perform to it” by leaning over it and showing the “camera” different parts of your body.” If you want to forgo the smartphone altogether, Kat recommends going all out with a tripod camera. “Angling your camera at a 45 degree angle above you will make you look leaner, if that’s a concern.”
Though you don’t want to make a silent porn movie, you also don’t want to look like you’re being forced to say lines you don’t mean (you know, like in actual porn flick). Feeling stressed or uncomfortable will show in your body language and facial expressions—the camera doesn’t lie. So do yourself a favour and forget the camera is there, and let go and have some fun.
First thing’s first: you’ve gotta get consent from your girl about her being taped. Then the next thing you have to focus on is keeping your homemade porn private. Remember that awful movie Sex Tape? Yeah, you don’t want that to be your life. “If you’re not planning on becoming a porn star, best to put your phone in airplane mode lest you accidentally upload your video to the cloud,” says Kat. “You’ll also want to password protect your files if you decide to save them on your laptop for later viewing.” And it goes without saying that both of you know that password.
Bottom line: make a tape that is both comfortable and enjoyable for both you and your lady. As Kat, who had the chance to pick the brains of some of the top names in porn at the last XBiz Awards, says, “Making sex look great on film is hard work… so if your output is a little silly looking, don’t fret—it’s more important that you enjoy the experience of doing something together than to create something that looks like a professionally-produced adult video. Many of the positions that adult talent use in these movies aren’t necessarily all that comfortable or pleasurable—they just look that way on screen.”
Brianne Hogan is a freelance writer based in Toronto, something of a humorist, and considers herself more Bridget Jones than Samantha Jones. Though she won’t reveal which parts, she will admit to liking emotionally unavailable men and drinking lots of wine. You can follow her on Twitter @briannehogan.