It’s another new year, and, yep, you’re still single. Not surprisingly this is the time of year when online dating websites see an increase of membership registrations. Many singles, like you, are keen to make brand new dating resolutions so they’ll finally greet a new year with a new partner by their side. Making the decision to change old habits is an awesome thing, but changing up your game isn’t as simple as “I’ll start dating blondes over brunettes.” Major change–long-lasting change–takes some self-reflection and a willingness to dig deep. And remember: dating resolutions take just as much time as it does for your New Year’s gym habit to kick in. Translation: you won’t get flat abs, or the girl of your dreams, overnight.
Here’s how to make dating resolutions for the New Year that will (hopefully) have you kissing someone at midnight on New Year’s Eve 2015.
Make a Note of It
Make a note of the dating experiences you had in 2014, including the ones that worked out versus the ones that didn’t. When I say, “make a note,” I don’t mean mentally; I mean, actually write down (or type) those situations out. Doing so actually will help clarify things for you, and give you the time to digest what happened while offering a fresh perspective.
Give yourself props for diving into the dating world, which is never an easy thing. Don’t focus too much on the mistakes. Instead, see how you can transform them into lessons learned for the future.
Example: you didn’t open yourself up right away to a girl and she called you out on it before dumping you. Now, you’ll enter new dating relationships prepared to reveal yourself and your intentions more readily.
Do What Makes You Happy
What about dating makes you happy? I know, I know: dating is horribly uncomfortable at times, but there are some positive aspects to it. So, what are they to you? The rush of meeting someone new? Trying out new experiences on dates, like rock climbing or attending an art show?
Find the fun side of dating. The more positive you are about something, the more positive the process, and ultimate result, will be. Enjoy the moment you’re in now, and enjoy the moment when you’re on a date. And remember that it’s really okay to smile more.
Resolve Your Shit
Don’t make your dating resolutions all about, “Where can I meet Ms. Right?” Start asking yourself, “What can I do to attract the perfect Ms. Right for me?” This means resolving your shit.
Any internal, or external, hang-ups will need rectifying before you’re ready to date your perfect partner. Do you feel bad about your weight? Join a gym. Are you unhappy with your job? Start looking for a new one, or maybe take a course to brush up on your skills. Do you often intimidate people? Then start practicing approaching people, including your dates, with warmth and kindness. By taking care of your baggage, you’re inevitably preparing yourself to meet your future girlfriend, who might be the cutie next to your treadmill at the gym.
Ditch the Deadline
It would be great if you could meet your someone special within a year, but I’d advise against setting a deadline. Doing so only places you under a tremendously huge amount of pressure, and dating already comes with a lot of pressure, so, please, don’t kill yourself.
I don’t care if you’re over-30 and living in your parents’ basement. Setting a deadline only sets you up for disappointment. The more time you give to yourself and your relationships to breathe, the more you’ll evolve in a natural, progressive manner because you also don’t want to just date someone for the sake of dating.
Be Easy on Yourself
Sure, your friends are all coupled-up and Mom and Dad want to be grandparents someday, but you know what? Fuck them. They’re not you. Give yourself a break and ease up on the negative talk. Do whatever you can to empower yourself. Say affirmations (they really do work), like, “I’m doing the best I can,” or “the perfect partner is out there for me,” or whatever else you can to resist external and internal resistance. And please keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with you; you just haven’t found her yet.
Brianne Hogan is a freelance writer based in Toronto, something of a humorist, and considers herself more Bridget Jones than Samantha Jones. Though she won’t reveal which parts, she will admit to liking emotionally unavailable men and drinking lots of wine. You can follow her on Twitter @briannehogan.
Photo courtesy of flickr.