You meet an attractive woman at the bar, or coffee house (let’s be somewhat creative here), and you want to bring her to your bedroom without the hassle of texting and emailing and smoke signals. Or, maybe the woman you want to bed is the one who you’ve been dating for the last couple of weeks. Either way, there’s an art to taking a woman home for the first time (because I’m assuming you’re all gentlemen, and even if you just want a one-night stand, I know you still want to treat her right) so I recruited Ohhh Canada’s Katrina McKay to help you out from start to, erm, finish.
“If you’re heading out for a hot date, don’t forget about your pad. Getting down and dirty in someone’s messy bedroom isn’t too appealing to most,” says McKay. “So if you think there’s even a remote chance she’s staying the night, make sure your place looks clean, sleek and organized.”
Remember: a man’s home is his castle, so however you feel about yourself is going to reflect in that. If it’s messy, she’s going to assume you don’t give a shit for much in life (not attractive). But if it’s orderly, she’s going to think you have your shit together (much more attractive).
“If you want a boost in your sexual confidence, make sure your bedroom makes you feel like a sex god,” says McKay. “Buy high quality sheets, good pillows, and keep your room organized. That way when she pulls you close for a passionate kiss you’re not thinking about how you hope you didn’t leave your dirty underwear on the floor.”
The First Approach
You spot a gorgeous woman who you would like to know better. The first thing you do is . . . no, good God, don’t tell her, “I think you’re missing vitamin me.”
“Please, please don’t use pick-up lines,” says McKay. “Everyone loves a good compliment, so get up the nerve and compliment her on something you’ve honestly noticed that you think is appealing. Tell her she has beautiful eyes or that you love the colour of her dress.” McKay also adds that this approach also works for your date. “Compliments make much better icebreakers than cheesy pick-up lines.” From there, you should remain open and easy-going.
“Keep your body language open (don’t cross your arms), maintain eye contact (but don’t stare) and don’t overthink it,” McKay says. “If you get nervous and you say the wrong thing or you feel awkward, make a joke and have a laugh with her. Laughter suggests confidence, and confidence is sexy no matter what.”
How To Ask
This is tricky territory because you don’t want to come off as creepy or pushy. “After a date in a public place, ask her if she’d like to join you at your place for a drink or a tea,” McKay says. “But a super important note here, definitely the most important point—even if she says yes do not assume she is consenting to have sex with you. If she agrees to come over, she may just very well want more time with you, and that’s a great compliment.”
Once she’s at your place and things look like they could escalate into sex, McKay recommends that you “Ask her directly if she wants to sleep together. Always, always get explicit consent.” Don’t assume or try to read between the lines. Being direct is “better for both of you. Consent is both necessary and sexy.”
How to Get Naked
When it comes to shedding clothes, less is actually more. You both don’t want to be all “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am!” You want to take your time and build up the excitement between you.
“It’s all about timing,” McKay says. “There’s inevitably going to be a break in your passion between when you leave your public date location and when you arrive back at your place. So don’t just walk in the door and start taking off her clothes (or yours). Kiss, play, tease, flirt . . . continue where you left off, but take two steps back.” It will be worth the wait.
Post-coital is always awkward the first time, no matter if it’s a casual hookup or the start of a new relationship. Regardless of your sexual situation, “Never ever kick your lover out of bed, “ says McKay. “That’s just common courtesy. If she wants to leave of her own accord, that’s a different story. But then you should be getting up with her and ensuring that she gets home okay. This is not a gender bias—I believe it goes both ways—if you stay at her house, you should expect exactly the same courtesy.” If she decides to stay, and you’ve just met, or you’re on a casual basis, McKay warns not to smother with kisses and cuddles. Sleeping peacefully next to each other is more than all right.
If you’ve been dating, then “do what feels natural to you, but be respectful of her needs,” she says. “If there are feelings involved, be careful not to pull away and seem cold, especially if you’re interested in seeing her again! This is not an ‘all or nothing’ scenario. You don’t have to sleep intertwined and whisper sweet nothings to each other all night, but nor should you push away an affectionate partner because you’re not normally a snuggler.”
With these helpful tips, you’ll be able to take home a woman with much more confidence, which always makes for a good time for both parties.
Brianne Hogan is a freelance writer based in Toronto, something of a humorist, and considers herself more Bridget Jones than Samantha Jones. Though she won’t reveal which parts, she will admit to liking emotionally unavailable men and drinking lots of wine. You can follow her on Twitter @briannehogan.
Photo courtesy of flickr.