The Secret to a Happy Marriage

Today marks the end of our series, A Guy’s Guide to Getting Hitched.

The champagne bottles are empty, the gifts are unwrapped and you’re basking in the bliss of married life. Your mission: Keep it blissful. If you want to avoid a night on the couch before your honeymoon tan wears off, you’d better say all the right things – or at least, avoid saying the very wrong things. Here, some questions to avoid for the first few weeks.

“When are you going to sell that wedding dress?”
It may have cost a few times more than your suit – and it may already be two sizes too small on her (hey, it happens) – but your inability to understand her attachment to The Dress is not a license to question it.

“Is it just me, or have you put on weight?”
It’s just you. And by that I mean yes, but keep your mouth shut. Never a good question to ask, especially not so early in the game. She worked hard to look good in that dress, and now she’s entitled to some goddamn ice cream.

“When are we going to exchange these registry gifts for cash?”
I don’t know why you put floral china on your registry – and not a big-screen TV – but I do know this: When Aunt Matilda visits, she’ll be looking for that gravy boat.

“Did I forget to mention I have a criminal record / bizarre balloon fetish / secret love child?”
Saving your skeletons for the safety of marriage is never a good idea. If you’re going to let her in on your dark past, the sooner the better.

And now, you’re on your own, my friend. This marks the end of the editorial series, A Guy’s Guide to Getting Hitched. Did we miss a topic that we should’ve covered? Let us know what you think of the series by commenting on this story.

Image courtesy of Wheat in Your Hair.


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