Approaching the Approach

A guy approached me in a bar one time and boldly introduced himself. He said, “Hi my name is [Guy’s Name],” and stuck out his hand. I shook it. He made great eye contact – not too intense like he was trying to perform lobotomy on me with his gaze, but also unflinching like he was really looking at me.

Then I noticed how cute he was. Then I noticed his fantastic suit and a wilted rose stuck in one of the buttonholes of his suit. Then he told me he was a writer. Then we had a baby.

Okay, we had a baby years after that, but the thing I’ll always remember about that guy is that he simply went up to me, told me his name and looked at me (the rest is, of course, history). The thing is, his simple, direct approach was what attracted me to him in the first place. I remember I called him “cocky” to my friends, but after years of namby-pamby pickups, the confidence was inspiring.

I know that guys don’t always know how to approach women (let alone figure out if the woman is available and approach her then) but it’s not necessarily that hard. Alright, maybe it is hard, but here’s how to make it a bit easier.

Repeat after me: “What’s the worst that could happen?” Approach any woman you’re interested in. She’ll tell you she’s not single. She’ll give you an appalled stare, she’ll give you the wrong number, she’ll tell you to get lost. And?

Move on to the next one. I have a guy friend who dates beautiful, interesting women all the time and his approach is: fire 10 bullets and one is destined to strike someone (he’s a bit of a cad, I suppose). It’s a crappy analogy (why don’t we use “roses” instead of “bullets,” friends) but he swears by it. Also, if he fires 10 (roses!) and they’re all blanks, he fires another 10 (roses). Why does he keep doing this?

Because he doesn’t take rejection personally. Sure, it’s personal, but he’s already sticking out his hand and introducing himself to another beauty, and he simply has no time to waste on wondering why and how it didn’t work.

“Fake it till you make it” is one of his philosophies. In other words, if you’re a shy guy, try just playing a confident guy. It’s like smiling – there’s a psychological phenomenon called facial feedback hypothesis that suggests “facial movement can influence an emotional experience.” Why can’t this apply to confidence? With enough practice, you might just become it.

For starters, go up to the woman you’re interested in and introduce yourself. As for what to do next, I’d suggest buying her a drink and asking her some questions and making some jokes or reciting a poem – hell, why not?

Maybe that’s a topic for another column, I’m running out of space here. Good luck!

Image courtesy of marsmet481


1 thought on “Approaching the Approach”

  1. Agreed, contrary to popular male belief, most women aren’t out to embarrass you and shut you down. If she hasn’t noticed you, this guarantees she will. If she’s not into it, she’s not your type, on to the next one.

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