Decoding Your Drunk Girlfriend

Alcohol. It can be a huge help in making a date with a new girl less awkward, or a fun way to spice up routine outings with your longtime lover. On the flipside are more extreme possibilities — notably, physical illness from over-consumption (you wanted to hold her hair, but not that way). Still, drinking can ruin an evening in more insidious ways. You like your woman to have a bit of a spark, but too many drinks makes for a greater chance of her emotional wires getting crossed and short-circuiting like May two-four fireworks. Here, insights to help decode the behavior of your inebriated date.

As a general rule, halve the level of emotion you perceive from your lady (applies to most alcohol-induced debacles). She’ll act like it’s a level 10 emergency now, but will remember it as a level 5 tomorrow. Act accordingly: Don’t get worked up. Save for sobriety any real issues that emerge.

If, after a few libations, she’s keener on any other guy in the room than yourself, something is up. This one’s obvious and easy to handle. She wants your attention. Not in the “get jealous and threaten to knock out a bro” kind of way, but in the sense of craving a demonstration of your interest in her. Be it intellectually, physically, or otherwise, diffuse the situation by showing that you’re into her. And do not act on jealousy.

Alcohol-fueled anger happens to all of us, but it’s consistently tough for others to approach effectively. You’re out having a good time together and, all of a sudden, she attacks you for saying the wrong thing, or spending too much time with the guys, or glancing too long at another girl. Given her state, defending yourself or addressing the accusation in more than a sentence will just add fuel the fire. Rule of thumb: leave it alone. Apologize, give her a hug and table the counterarguments until tomorrow.

For a large number of females, intoxication can frequently lead to tears. When this arises, act caringly but without alarm. Addressing the issue head-on or having her talk about it while tipsy will only perpetuate the overblown distress. A nice gesture and some affection will suffice to overcome the tears. Again, if necessary, postpone discussion until a more rational time.

Another straightforward situation. When she’s had a couple of cocktails and is getting extra touchy-feely with you in public, she is either a) drunk and horny or b) trying to get the attention of someone else. Scan the social environment to confirm that you’re fueling her hormonal demonstration. Regardless, refrain from jumping on this opportunity while you’re still out together. Offer to take her straight home and satisfy her there. However she may be behaving tonight, very few among the fairer sex are good-humoured about next-day flashbacks of getting crazy in public.

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