How to Get Laid Off

When the economy tanked and so many of my co-workers got canned, I somehow kept my job. What a rip-off.

A pink slip can be a ticket to freedom. While my former colleagues enjoyed their severance packages and then followed their dreams — one launched a successful photography business, another is training as a yachtsman in the Mediterranean — I was stuck working for The Man.

I’m tired of getting passed over. I asked Fiorella Callocchia of Toronto’s HR Impact for the best ways to get my name atop my boss’s lay-off list. Of course, getting fired is easy: Even George Constanza could do that.  (Well, almost.) Getting that coveted golden parachute is another matter entirely, and a very delicate art.

Be a Squeaky Wheel
Let your boss know that you feel under-appreciated (a more politic term than unappreciated, though meaning essentially the same thing) — and, more to the point, underpaid. Ask for an ambitious and slightly inappropriate raise.

Be Proactive
When you hear about restructuring, let your manager know that you’d consider a package.

Be Generous
When you nail a project, be sure to credit your co-workers. Conversely, when a colleague drops the ball, volunteer to take all the blame.

Be a Mentor
Take a less well-compensated junior under your wing, and teach him exactly how to do your job. Most important: Communicate all the skills and knowledge that would make you hard to replace.

Be Adequate
Settle for mediocrity. Good enough is perfect. Dress a touch too casually, and leave early everyday. After all, the early bird gets the golden parachute.

Image courtesy of Spoilt Cat.