How to Be a Jerk

It’s sad but true: I like jerks. My dating history is a long list of selfish, mean-spirited guys. Guys who stood me up. Guys who cheated. Guys who ignored me. Guys who just disappeared. I admit it’s self-destructive, and I know I’ve got issues to sort out. But it’s my twisted reality – and it’s the reality of many other women who you might like to date (at least for a night).

As a rule, you should be kind, warm and gentle. But when it comes to casual flings, you want immediate results. Which is why, even if you’re a nice guy, pulling a few jerk moves can make all the difference. Some tips for winning over girls like me:

1. Don’t pay too much attention to us. Be aloof. We will only work harder for your attention.
2. Be loud and wild. Manners won’t intrigue us. If you command the room’s attention, you can bet our eyes will be on you, too.
3. Wait a few days to call us after our first date. Doubts will fester. We’ll wonder what we did wrong. And we’ll secretly be thrilled when you finally call.
4. Mock us, gently. Sarcastic, funny and slightly demeaning comments will work wonders for you.
5. Buy us a drink. We can dig an a-hole, just not a cheapskate.

There’s an obvious catch here: It won’t take long for her to realize that you’re a far nicer guy than you’ve seemed. Which means this jerk-loving gal may kick you to the curb soon. Or, perhaps, she’ll fall in love. Good luck with that.

Image courtesy of H_M_A.

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34 thoughts on “How to Be a Jerk

  1. Instead of an article telling guys how to be jerks, why don’t you just tell girls like you how to sort out the issues you admit having?

  2. Ha! Exactly why I don’t date girls like you. Its easy to be a jerk to insecure women who think they’re hotter than they really are, even if it is only expressed through their words. So when you’re 40, reflecting on this article you wrote and get depressed – well, good luck with that.

    ps – I’m generally a nice guy who dates hot SECURE women, and not unlike the sentiment in that seinfeld episode where the woman is exclaiming how incredible her breasts are – well, my dating life is “incredible”.

  3. I am considered by my close friends many of which are ladies to be a nice guy, and I do not like Jerks and will never become one just for the sake of connecting with a “good Looking” woman if they want a jerk they are welcome to them but as far as I am concerned no woman is worth my becoming something that I’m not just to interest them, they are just not worth it., if because of that I am doomed to be single the rest of my life so be it.

  4. For a woman to miss out on finding a perfectly good “nice guy” due to the fact she prefers dating jerks, makes her less attractive, and even more of a real bitch then she pretends to be. Nice guys may finish last, but in bed, that’s where it counts.

  5. I am sorry but, I was under the impression that DailyXY.com was supposed to be a magazine for men. If that is the case, why are we subject to articles telling us how to pick up women with the mentality of teenage girls?

    Yes, I do realize many females have their issues but, while being 18+ years of age may make you an adult in the eyes of the law, I do not think it automatically makes a female a woman.

    I am a firm believer in equality but, equality works for ways. If you want to act like a child, expect to be treated like one.

  6. Unfortunately I have to 100% agree. When I wanted to get laid or have a “casual fling” as you call it. I just needed to treat woman with little or no respect. However, those are the girls that guys would never want to with for longer than one night. If a guy is looking for true love he has no option but to be a “nice guy”. That means treating your woman with the respect she deserves. Good luck finding Mr. Right.

  7. “Anonymous: Instead of an article telling guys how to be jerks, why don’t you just tell girls like you how to sort out the issues you admit having?”

    Easier said then done buddy. Women aren’t ready to admit their faults…. ever. It’s easier to blame something else then to take responsibility. Use this game to your advantage, and stop being so nice. (nobody likes a kiss-ass)

  8. It always boils down to the same thing with women who “think” they’re too good for a “nice guy”.
    As long as you pay them, they’ll let you treat them like shite.

    Their total lack of self-respect is exactly why they can’t deal with a guy who treats them with any. I’d rather be single than put up with a self-important whore.

  9. “why are we subject to articles telling us how to pick up women with the mentality of teenage girls?”

    Bingo. I would rather an article on how to recognize someone with such pathologically bad taste in men. It takes a serious jerk to want to exploit battered wife syndrome for a one night stand. Having an edge is one thing, but actually deciding to be a bastard to score? For those that it doesn’t come to naturally, really not so fun.

  10. Words from a once addicted jerk lover:
    Stay the course ’cause one day you’ll realize this tactic gets old and there are men (a few men) out there who are fun, hilarious and genuinely nice. Once you find that right man you’ll realize your addiction has vanished. You’ll still get a little excited when those jerks command the room, but then you’ll realize mutual respect and adoration is what you were looking for all along.

  11. totally agree with the comments lol. I can’t imagine why women keep setting themselves up for disappointment. I can only guess it makes columnist writing crap about relationship to fuel more disappointements. I think they should refocus on setting their priorities right and picking the nice guys for once.

  12. After reading some of the xx-on-xy stuff on here (love every other aspect of the site, btw) I have come to the conclusion that the bimbos who write for DXY watch way too much Sex and the City.

    They are also so full of themselves that I probably wouldn’t be able to fit any of me in them anyway, rendering them even more useless than they already are…

  13. Well obviously things are not improving… It really is sad that us “nice guys” who have significantly positive experiences to share with women usually end up on the losing side of the equation… And there’s a limit to how often you end up on the losing side before becoming utterly bitter… I, for one, have been bitter for too long and no remnants of love, or sex for that matter, have any place in my life.

  14. As a female, I am perplexed a little by some articles representing the female perspective on this site. I suppose all sides need to be presented… yikes!

    For the record, class is and always has been a sexy trait. By all means, I appreciate a confident man, but rudeness is not that. It is self absorbed and shows a lack of social skill development. So being a jerk will have me disinterested in seconds and planning a swift exit strategy… life is simply too short.

  15. The writer is either tongue in cheek, or just learning to convey her message.

    Forget having a green light to be an AH. The message is, be cocky, aloof, funny and confident.

    Dont fall all over her. The chase makes both sexes hot for more.

    Dont be the total gentleman. Get a little loud and wild. Make lots of people laugh, but not at the expense of anyone’s feelings.

    Keep her off balance by teasing her about her looks, or clothing, or anything about her…..so long as you do it off the cuff and in fun. Women dont expect guys to make them work. But that is half the fun of it.

    Finally, make sure that whatever one(s) of these tips you use…..do it in good fun, with a smile. Dont cross the AH line, and you will have her watching you, wondering about you, and interested in meeting this “cocky but funny guy” that everyone seems to want to have fun with.

    Patrick

  16. It’s the problem of many girls actually… some more than others and that’s sad. I’ve studie psychology and actually most of the girls don’t like to be treated like this but think this is the best they can have. It is a problem of self esteem and yeah they have to sort it out but the first step to solve a problem is to reconise there is a problem … hope most of em could do it before 50 years old and a 20 years crappywedding.

  17. Wow! You guys rock! I love how “pro-equality” our society is becoming. There have been many articles written about what it is to be a Man in this modern age, highlighting how confused young men are. But you guys seriously rock! A good woman ain’t gonna take shit from you! She will expect you to be the best person you can be and she will be the best person she can be in return. None of this bs, leave the role-playing for the bedroom.

  18. Having recently read all of your articles here, Alexia, I have a small tip for you (which might help you not seem like such a douche wallet):

    Instead of trying to convince the men who are reading these articles that “This is totally the same kind of shit your really self-absorbed GF is pulling!”, maybe you should instead include this caveat; “I am the woman you DO NOT WANT TO DATE, and this is the kind of shit women like me pull all the time. If you meet a woman and she engages in behaviour like mine, STAY THE FUCK AWAY”.

    This would probably enable people to read your columns without shaking their heads in stupefied bemusement, because, as it stands, you’re seriously giving us lady folk a real bad name.

    P.S. I do everything on your list “New Years Resolutions I’ll Never Make” for my husband. Yes, EVERYTHING. And I know I’m not the only one out there.

  19. I really hate when people project their issues on to their entire gender.

    I don’t work for the attention of aloof guys, I move on.

    Manners are one of the deciding factors in whether or not I see a guy again. I’m not expecting him to stand when I get up from the table, but I do expect him to be kind to me.

    I’m fine with sarcasm and teasing, but I would not continue to hang out with anyone I thought was demeaning.

    I’m not crazy and I don’t have low self-esteem.

  20. there are a lot of men commenting who are bashing you, and for that I am sorry. don’t listen to them, they are baselessly defensive, as many men are when a woman gives advice on male behavior (even in a facetious jest).

    unfortunately it is commonplace for men to use women in the way you talk about. it’s encouraged, glamorized and validated in movies and tv. so you aren’t entirely out to lunch here, this kind of male behavior is epidemic and many men are in denial.

    in my early twenties (19-23) i was just like you. i allowed myself to be used without even realizing it until after it happened. after many hurtful and disrespectful encounters and boyfriends i realized that casual sex was the best way to meet jerks. yes, it is fun and thrilling, but more than anything else it is just a lie and an obstacle in the search for ’empowerment’.

    my advice is: get to know someone first. take things very slowly. think about the way YOU feel about them, not about how you can make them like you. don’t sleep with them right away. go with what your gut says, it’s often smarter than you are. if you get even the slightest bad vibe from a guy, don’t sleep with him in the hopes of ‘making it better’.

    the best advice i can give you is to remember that you are worthy. you are worthy of dating a man who treats you with respect and who makes you feel special and loved. you are also worthy of loving you, for you, flaws and all.

    and above all DON’T BLAME YOURSELF. yes, you may have made some dating mistakes, but sometimes when you have perspective and maturity, relationships go sour. also, i doubt it’s entirely your fault for choosing these men – sometimes unstable disrespectful relationships is a form of stability and a learned behavior from the past. it’s not always your fault, but you do have to take responsibility for the way you feel and act.

    PS: therapy has helped me. maybe it could help you too. i wish you all the best! xoxo

  21. You really do the insecure women (or men) who are trying to sort themselves out a disservice. You should be ashamed of yourself for writing this article, and promoting any sort of relationship that encourages people to prey on the insecurities of others. You can write something much better than this (for you and society), I am sure. I agree with most of the guy comments below.

  22. Thanks guys, for seeing this as the shallow nonsense it is. There are plenty of us women who like sweet, caring, emotionally available men capable of strong relationships. Not all of us are still in high school

  23. Sorry but no thanks. I’d say I’m sorry, but I won’t. I will say that you should consider what Katt Williams once said about women who complain about dating guys that aren’t s**t and why they only attract that kind of guy.

    And me? No, I’ll stick to the routine I have that works. I’ll stick a system that’s landed me a woman who knows what she wants in her life and who she wants to be with. She’s not struggling with wanting a guy who is confident enough to handle his own business and more than sensitive enough to handle hers.

    One attribute does not exclude the other attribute. Instead of thinking of a man’s personality as something that exists on a linear scale, you should consider seeing it as something that exists on varying levels, and varying scales. Maybe because you cannot understand multiple dimensions of a personality, that is why you are where you are now. Many women can do this, but it seems that you cannot.

    You, on the other hand, can continue to “enjoy” your emotional wristcutting and foot-shooting until you hit the old age of 60, and then realize you wasted your entire adult romantic life by handling it with all of the angst-addled intelligence of a 15 year old.

    I would love to empathize with you, but when you do this to yourself for however many years while being entirely aware of it, you really only deserve your negative consequences.

  24. Lets be very clear about this: Women who cannot get over their need to date jerks are jerks, themselves.
    Why would any self respecting guy want to get tangled up with such a disfunctional female ?
    Oh, and girls: Your right to dig into any guy’s pocket is an expression of YOUR desire to *profit from sexism*.
    No thanks, buy your own grakking drink.

  25. First you give us an article promoting bribery, now selfish loud and obnoxious behavior. This is the new ideal????

  26. lol at trollthread.jpg – exactly.

    The pattern of writing on this site is so painfully obvious: write a polarized, one-sided, obnoxious article and watch the comments roll in. Then follow it up with an article polarized to the opposite and repeat.

    This article is complete rubbish, but some of the comments are pretty good. My fav: “why are we subject to articles telling us how to pick up women with the mentality of teenage girls?” — exactly. I’m 29 — maybe I don’t fit the intended demographic (or maybe I do?) but at this point in my life, I’m looking for the mother of my children — not some idiot freeloading bimbo who needs to self-hate to get off. I used to play these games, until I realized that every ho I manipulated into bed was too stupid to be worth it. I don’t need a cheap fuck — I need a loving wife who will stay with me until the day I die. So, gentleman. Just remember, you reap what you sow — play the game by these rules and you just might nail a real “winner” like the author. “Good luck with that”.

  27. I’ve seen this kind of advice before and it usually coincides with having to deal with women who clearly don’t know the appropriate time to talk, aka when they actually have something to say that wouldn’t be just meaningless babble. No thank you, I’m waiting for a woman with a brain in her head thank you very much.

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