Keeping Her Happy #381

Arriving at a restaurant, you and your date are directed to a table big enough for four. You, sir, have a choice: sit across from her, or next to her. If your little lady is anything like me, there is no actual choice to make. She is hoping that you will forego the typical staid, conservative, beyond-polite ‘across from’ seating arrangement and sit next to her.

Perhaps you think your woman is different — hey, it’s not as if she’s mentioned the side-by-side thing. But she likely has told you that you don’t necessarily know her as well as you assume. Sitting together is somewhat of a small-f fantasy for women; we pine for its initiation. The idea that the man we’re with can’t keep his hands off of us, and that he can’t help himself, he must sit next to us, cues waves of desire, excitability and raw passion.

Side-by-siding may feel a bit ‘off,’ not being deemed as socially acceptable in North America as in Europe. (We also have issues with nude beaches and the softest of soft-core.) But you’re worldly, so try it on for size. Your effort: minimal. Possible results: quoth a certain credit card company, priceless.

Still need some convincing?  Here’s more insight into why she likes it:

Simply put, it’s out of the ordinary for couples to sit next to one another. When you choose to do so, you can damn well bet she’ll take note. To her, your change of seating plans offers flattery and reassurance. It makes her feel different, special, unique, as though you can’t get enough of her and you want to get as close as you can get. Plus, as mentioned, it’s something of a fantasy: she’s seen it in films, observed other couples side by side at various venues. You taking charge and sitting next to her will offer a small but palpable sense of fulfillment.

Undivided Attention
Sitting side by side, you share the view. If you get distracted by a TV — and who could blame you with the potentially final Habs and Canucks games happening tonight? — she is likelier to understand. (She might shout at Gomez and Luongo louder than you, too.) If you’re facing away from her and looking at a TV, she will inevitably wonder if you’re uninterested in what she’s talking about or, worse, losing interest in her. Sitting together also tones down propensity for insecure self-chatter (on both sides) and allows for some classic and quiet but shared people-watching. That said, do you really need me to tell you to not check out other women when you’re on a date? Unless she asks your thoughts on passersby — in which case, curb your enthusiasm.

Yep, saved the best for last. Sitting next to you makes her feel a connection. You are close enough that you can wrap your arm around her and she can hold your hand or place hers on your lap (or… ?), versus reaching across the table and moving candles, glasses, vases etc. to make potentially fumbling, thus forced, contact. And you can’t force romance. Sitting together is frankly easier, and it bodes very well for sharing meals and/or the one-off tastings. (Yes, guys, she thinks that feeding each other is sexy.) Plus, there’s something almost chivalrous about a man sitting right next to us, even if all he’s doing is sitting. To us, it’s as if he specifically wants everyone to see that we’re the one he’s with. Again, even if all he’s doing is sitting. You + me on that banquette winds me up, in the right way.

Image courtesy of Glenn Loos-Austin.


2 thoughts on “Keeping Her Happy #381”

  1. To your point about “(or… ?)”

    That is pretty much the reason every guy makes the choice to sit side-by. Doesn’t mean he’s going to GET it, but it means he would not say no.

  2. Yes, Jen, because every other woman on Earth is Just Like You.
    Sigh. Empathy, meet Jen, I can tell that you two are perfect strangers…

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