The Other Mom

The single mom.

What’s the big deal, you might say confidently. She’s just a woman, like any other woman. The kid is cute, too (if you get to meet him/her/them). Except that she’s not like any other woman. She has different priorities. Like taking care of another human being that’s not you.

Here are five ways to stay in this advanced class and make it work with the single mom in your life.

Don’t get too heavy too soon, don’t ask about the kid’s dad, don’t try to offer advice and don’t assume anything based solely on the fact that she’s a single mom.

Although things may get heavy sooner than you think, many single moms will say that this is a “package deal.” You might not be ready to be a daddy, and that’s fine, but you have to at least think about the possibility.

On the other hand, you might not get to be the daddy and this may hurt. One single mom I know didn’t let her boyfriend meet her daughter for a year. This is about boundaries and trust. Some single moms really need to be sure you’re a good guy before they introduce you to their kids.

Don’t assume that she’s desperate or a gold-digger looking for someone to take care of her lot. At the same time, have the decency of being employed — the last thing she needs to worry about your financial situation on top of her own.
Finally, my friend C., a single mom who looks like a cross between Angelina Jolie and Winona Ryder (not that it matters), says this: “Remember the kids ALWAYS come first. Babysitters are expensive. I’m only getting one for something good.”

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Image courtesy of Benicio Murray.

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