The Stag Weekend

It’s hectic enough around my life right now that I can only find time to write the brief diary entry you see here, but the big, shining light at the end of it is the fact that two days from now I’ll find myself heading to New Orleans with a bunch of buddies for a stag long weekend.

My brother and friends planned this behind my back, without demanding a penny of me and directly contrary to my directive that my stag not involve travelling any further from Toronto than Montreal. Those sneaky bastards did it. My gratitude is as deep as the Hurricanes at Pat O’Brien’s (as I emailed to the guys earlier: Four ounces of rum and a glassful of trouble. And you can keep the glass).

In the back of my fiancée’s mind is the worry that I’ll be coerced into some kind of stripper-related shenanigans (or worse) that would sully her dear groom, but when I told the guys no strippers I think they listened that time. I think they know me well enough to realize that at age 32, my remaining vices are drink, food, laziness and tobacco — all of which can be fulfilled without upsetting my bride too much. As I think I’ve mentioned in this column before, it is gluttony, not lust, that motivates me.

And don’t forget sloth. Boy could I use a couple days with nothing to accomplish. Before this week it had never occurred to me that the bachelor festivities exist to give the groom a much-needed break from wedding frenzy. Now I see it. I’ve spent a big chunk of what seems like each of the past 10 weekends on some kind of wedding errand. Between that and my other assorted responsibilities and work, I’m exhausted. (How will I ever manage parenthood? What will I have to give up?)

Meanwhile, I’m not even the one pouring my heart and soul into this wedding — that would be my fiancée, who’s been working twice as hard at it. The gross injustice is that she has no out-of-town stagette party of her own to look forward to.

So while I depart looking forward to four days of zaniness in my favourite American city, I also harbour some guilt, and a determination to plan for my bride to the best honeymoon I can manage.

Image courtesy of lyzadanger on flickr

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