Your Cheating Heart

Keeping it in your pants, it seems, is a Herculean task: From jetsetting governors to reality TV cheeseballs, philandering men are everywhere. But is cheating a dealbreaker? The answer, of course, is that it depends on your woman, because for every bag of belongings set afire, there’s a forgiving embrace. Maybe.

The Coquette
The Woman:
Outgoing and flirtatious, she’s succumbed to temptation in past relationships. Not that she’d ever do that to you.
Dealbreaker? She’d like to say yes, but that would be hypocritical.

The Cynic
The Woman: She was never starry-eyed about coupledom. Love sucked her in, but she told you straight up that straying would put your manhood on the line.
Dealbreaker? Damn straight.

The Professional
The Woman:
Her own brilliant career has offered temptation, but she’s far too disciplined to submit to such base impulses.
Dealbreaker? Maybe. A one-night stand might fly, but an affair means it’s over – and she’s taking the house.

The Domestic
The Woman:
Being a wife was always her aim, and her family is her life. She won’t give that up.
Dealbreaker? No. Just be prepared to spend the next decade on your knees, proffering expensive gifts.

The Homewrecker
The Woman:
You were committed to someone else when you guys hooked up – and so was her previous lover. But she doesn’t get a thrill from being the other woman. No way.
Dealbreaker? No, because there was never much trust. But she’s leaving anyway; the thrill is gone.

Image courtesy of Zarwan.


Your Cheating Heart

So you cheated. I don’t really know what to tell you. I don’t want to see you, hear your excuses, pleading and promises. It is over between us. Goodbye forever.

Gentlemen, unless you have an agreement (an open relationship) cheating is never okay. If you’re not having enough sex, bring it up with your girl before you go that route (but please, don’t threaten with cheating!) If you want variety, talk about that – it’s possible that she does too.

My friend Katie says that it’s possible to survive cheating. (She’s more forgiving than me.) Here are her six rules:

First, apologize.

Secondly, a cheater should not make any sudden moves (dashing out to get a ring, booking a romantic getaway). It just looks desperate and dishonest – we don’t want any more of that.

The cheater has to be patient and brace himself for some major fits and tears (or long deathly silences). Then there will be lots of talking – you have to listen. You may even have to agree to couples counselling. Yup. Sometimes it helps to have a third, uninvolved party (the counsellor) move you past the issue.

Never, ever bring up the other woman; instead, do what you can to not give your main squeeze any information about the other woman.

And never put the blame on your partner – you’re the guilty party so acknowledge it like a man and own up to it.

Finally, if you find yourself close to doing it again, remember this happy time and ask yourself if you’re willing to go through it again.

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