5 Common Wedding Blunders

Indeed, it’s Valentine’s Day, and we are publishing an article on weddings. Surely, none of you will deny that weddings require more preparation than does V-Day. As well, you’ll agree that, if you haven’t yet made plans for tonight, you’re up a creek and nothing DailyXY can do is likely to help you. (Still consider these restaurant leads and these gift ideas — and good luck to you.)

The truth, gentlemen: For better or for worse, your bride is going to remember every misstep you happen to make on the most significant day of your lives. No pressure, right?

How do you know you’re marrying the right woman? Simply, she will never forget the wedding day blunders, but she won’t hold them over your head for the rest of your marriage. In the best-case scenario — do not count on the best-case scenario — she’ll be able to laugh about it with some degree of sincerity. A likelier outcome is that she may never agin mention your antics but, in the dark recesses of her heart, she’ll remember. Here, a common-sense guide to avoiding a few of the most common errors made by (mostly) well-intentioned grooms.

Mis-use of Alcohol
For starters, the admitted gale-force hilarity of Zach Galifianakis aside, make a point of not drinking excessively the night before the wedding; a hungover groom has lost the game before it’s begun.

Most brides will accept that a little nip, or a single beer, may steady your pre-ceremony nerves. Still, evidence on the breath should be destroyed before you take the long walk down the short aisle. I have it on good authority that a wedding kiss tasting of smoky Scotch is not the romantic ideal.

Drunkenness, at any point in the day or evening? Ill-advised is an understatement. If you’re tanked, rest assured, you will screw up. If you’re skilled at rationing, maintaining a pleasant buzz is permissible.

Mis-administration of Compliments
Men know that complimenting the bride is expected and necessary, but many remain oblivious to the finer points of the process.

To be clear: your bride is incredibly beautiful, stunning, breathtaking or some other equally lush adjective. “Wow” is an acceptable reaction, but must be uttered in a convincingly awestruck manner. Your face should communicate this from the first moment you lay eyes on her, and you should tell her this at the first opportunity. Later, you may tell her that her dress is perfect, amazing, or something in this vein. (Yes, lying is permitted, even encouraged. If the truth should be that she has not dazzled you in that moment, she neither needs nor wants to know. Ever.)

The following remarks, all fine in the everyday, do not make the cut: “You look pretty”; “You look great;” “You’re so cute”; “I like your dress.” So you understand: Your bride looks great when she is headed to the gym, and you like that dress she made out of a pillowcase.

Mis-delivery of Vows and/or Speech
Even Al Pacino gets stage fright. What you lack in finesse, you can redress in sincerity. When you stumble, take a moment: Look her in the eyes, squeeze her hand, give her a loving wink — do something that communicates tenderness between the two of you. As long as she feels cherished, she’ll forgive the mispronunciation of her name.

Mis-distribution of attention
You may offend friends or family if you fail to make the social rounds. And that’s fine: Apologies can be made later. But no amount of grovelling will placate a bride who feels neglected on her wedding day. When you can’t be by her side, maintain awareness of her whereabouts. If she’s standing alone by the punchbowl, make your apologies to Jason and Chucky, and make a beeline for your gal. In fact: Don’t even apologise to Jason and Chucky.

Failure to Rise to the Occasion
By night’s end, you may be exhausted beyond the point of no return — because we’ve already determined that you won’t be sloshed, right? You’re not alone, and not just in the legally-binding-contract sense: Your bride is equally likely to succumb to sleep before consummation takes place. The gravity of this situation is entirely subjective; some women couldn’t care less, while for others it’s an epic tragedy. Strongly suggested: the happy couple should talk about this in advance of the big day, to ensure that expectations are met. If that means ducking out early to spend some quality time in the honeymoon suite — well, lucky you.

Image courtesy of .craig.

This is a test